1, However, from the perspective of (1) small (2) companies I think that they don't (3) have to take responsibility for social problems.
- (1) use regarding OR as regards to make it more concise
- (2) small and medium-sized
- (3) no abbreviation in academic writing
I think this sentence should be rewritten: However, I am not convinced that small and medium-sized companies have to assume social responsibilities.
2, Today, a lot of (1) start-up enterprises (2) find it difficult to obtain stable positions (3) in a (4) highly competitive market.
- (1) there are other more formal and more academic words to paraphrase it: a myriad of, a host of, a plethora of, a number of, myriads of, numerous, various ...
- (2) entrepreneurs in my opinion
- (3) incorrect collocation. Obtain a position is to have a job. I think you want to mention their rank, their recognition and their ability to prosper, right? So the correct collocation is establish/secure a position
- (4) the market. A market is simply a bazaar
3, Some of those are even on the verge of bankruptcy due to not being able (1) to cover the operating costs (2)
- (1) for being unable to sounds more natural and make the sentence shorter
- (2) the operation costs
4, Thus, they should probably prioritize making profit in advance as the top goal (1) in order to survive
- (1) unnecessary in my opinion
- this sentence should be merged with the previous one by a linking word or a FANBOY. Three or four simple sentences in a row absolutely make your essay less academic.
Overall comment 2: The last sentence is irrelevant. The task asks you to explain the benefits of companies whose business is their only goal, not to tell companies about how to (legally) gain a profit. Also, there is a lack of ideas. Consider adding the point that "By focusing on generating profit, companies might in turn indirectly fulfill their social responsibilities." In fact, the higher their turnover is, the larger taxes they have to pay to the government. Eventually, enormous tax revenue is again spent on social welfare.