ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới

Lưu ý: Check bài viết với Grammarly trước để tránh lỗi đơn giản! Click banner dưới đây để check


Chúng mình đang tuyển CTV chữa bài CÓ TRẢ PHÍ - các bạn có thể apply ở đây: "https://forms.gle/cpVjgt2TggRyVckHA"
Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS.
Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và BAN tài khoản của học viên đó.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

3.5k Bài viết

4.8k Góp ý

2.5k bình luận

109k thành viên

 
 
Currently, there are less young people who aim at becoming high-school teachers. This problem is caused by some factors, and it should be dealt with by some effective solutions. 
 
There are some reasons why people avoid becoming teachers. The first reason is that teachers’ salaries are lower than may other jobs. For instance, a lawyer with five years’ experience will earn more than a teacher with the same experience. Therefore, potential teachers cannot better their living standards because of their low income. Another reason is that teachers usually deal with students who disobey in class, which often causes them to give up their career. This also tends to put off potential teachers. Thirdly, becoming teachers means that their private lives will be negatively affected when they have to spend their leisure time marking homework and preparing lesson plans. 
 
Feasible solutions could be produced to tackle these aforementioned problems so that people would follow this profession. Firstly, the government should raise teachers’ pay significantly, which would attract more people. Secondly, more good policies should be enacted which would benefit teachers’ living. For example, those who aim at becoming teachers should receive free education fee for their children. Additionally, it is necessary for parents to collaborate with teachers to educate their offsprings. This can be done by teaching children a sense of respect for their teachers, which would improve children's’ behavior in class. The last solution could be to cut teachers hours and recruit more teaching assistants, which makes teaching more easier. 
 
In conclusion, there are some reasons why people today do not have passion to become teachers, and some measures could be taken to solve this problem.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Opinion bởi (-3 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu
Currently, These days, there are less young people who aim at becoming high-school teachers. This problem is caused by some factors, and it should be dealt with by some effective solutions. 
 
There are some reasons why people avoid becoming teachers. The first reason is that teachers’ salaries are lower than may other jobs. For instance, a lawyer with five years’ experience will earn more than a teacher with the same experience years. Therefore, potential teachers cannot better their living standards because of their low income. Another reason is that teachers may usually have to deal with students who disobey in class, which often causes them tiredness and boredom to give up their career. This also tends to which may put off potential teachers. Thirdly, becoming teachers means that their private lives will may be negatively affected when they have to spend their leisure time marking homework and preparing lesson plans. 
 
Feasible solutions could be produced to tackle these aforementioned problems so that people would follow this profession. Firstly, the government should consider to raise teachers’ pay significantly, which would attract more people. Secondly, more good policies should be enacted which would benefit teachers’ living. For example, those who aim at becoming teachers who are teaching at schools should receive free education fee for their children. Additionally, it is necessary for parents to collaborate with teachers to educate their offsprings. This can be done by teaching children a sense of respect for their teachers, which would improve children's’ behavior in class. The last solution could be to cut teachers hours and recruit more teaching assistants, which makes teaching more easier. 
 
In conclusion, there are some reasons why people today do not have passion to become teachers, and but some measures could be taken to solve this problem to attract more workforce to this profession.
 
Some of my comments:

- You have implemented some relatively clear and reasonable ideas. You have well used relative clauses to create complex sentences.

- However, you are still making some mistakes in grammar and using words.

- You should avoide using absolute expressions like "will" because you can not be sure that what you are presenting is completely true in every case. Instead, use "may" which is much safer.

- You should learn more collocations to include in your essay, this can help you improve your band score as well as express your opinion more clearly.

Overall, you have done well, hope my comments can help you!

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (153 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

...