It is argued that music has become an easier and better way to connect ( cách diễn đạt này khá là simple và hơi off topic)=> plays an intergal role in conneting people of different cultures and ages together. This essay agrees with the statements because music has proven the benefits of helping people to share their different cultures, interests and languages in spite of different ages and regions. ( khá là lủng củng) => Personally, I side with those who believe that the demerits of music are of paramount importance despite age-group differences and the diversity in traditions
First, music is great communication => is a great tool for men and women of different origins to connect by sharing the love for =>of their languages, customs or even traditional clothes. For example, a Vietnamese has ( người việt nam là số nhiều nên k có “a”) => Vietnamese have a passion for the Chinese language and traditional clothes through listening to songs and performances. ( câu này k hiểu ý của bạn lắm, hơi có lỗi về cách diễn đạt)
Second, music is also a chance for people to make friends in spite if => of different ages. Just by sharing the love for the same idols or songwriters, people have become friends, support and unite to become a fandom (dùng đảo ngữ sẽ tăng thêm điểm gramma) => Only by sharing sharing their admiration for idols or songwriters can people with the same passion socialize, support and unite to become a fandom. Another example is some children and adults and become friends by sharing interest for a genre of music, such as pop or hip hop => This can be observed clearly in the case of adolescents bridge the gap with adults by means of having the same interest for any musical genres, namely pop and hiphop. This has become so popular(simple word)=> prevalent that everyone can have the ones(???) =>companies to share hobbies or to have the feeling of belonging.
In conclusion, music is no longer just (thừa từ) a definition of listening to songs, or the beat, it is more than that, it is becoming the way to connect the world.
bài viết dưới 250 từ
ý khá là non, chỉ chạm tới bề nổi của vấn đề
từ cũng khá đơn giản, cấu trúc các câu cần linh hoạt hơn
Và đó là kết thúc phần góp ý của mình. Hãy nỗ lực hơn và chúc bạn thành công^^