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I'd like to tutor young children in the orphanage. I want to do that because I will be able to help them read and write fluently. That can bring them happiness and help them have the good knowledge to get the good life. I will ask my friend to help me. We will instruct children to do their homework at the weekend or in our free time.
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I'd like to tutor young children in the orphanage. I want to do that because I will be able to help them read and write fluently. That can bring them happiness and help them have the good knowledge to get the good life. I will ask my friend to help me. We will instruct children to do their homework at the weekend or in our free time.
 
My overall comment on your paragraph: It is not that clear in idea, you wrote aoout how you will tutor them at the end of the sentence while you should've brought it to the second position after the first sentence. Furthermore, the words you used are not really academic and the sentence are quite incorporated. The length of the paragraph is a bit below average.
Hope my comment works!
 
 

 

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Thank you for your answer! =Dyes

Yes, I am. My facebook is Trương Kim Chi. Contact me if you want :3

OK. Tôi cũng là người Việtlaugh

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