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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và BAN tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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It is easy to be seen that more and more women work outside their homes and have access to higher education than a decade ago. Some people might think that men finally have a better outlook on gender equality and thus this is the chance for the women to develop themselves and shine on their own ways. However, this change does reflect the ruthless fact that women has not yet fully recognized for their talents and contributions to outside and inside the family.

 

One area of differences includes an increase in the number of working mothers and girl’s enrolments in higher education. In the past, men might be regarded as the breadwinners and women were known only as the caretakers of the whole family from bringing  up the children to performing all the chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry. Nowadays, women make money at the same rate as men or even better, they even make remarkable contribution to economics, education and politics. An evident example is Ms Nguyen Thi Kim Ngan, a Vietnamese politician that has currently served as chairwomen of the National Assembly of Vietnam. That she is the first woman to take the leading position in Politics Sector has broken all the old-fashioned concepts like the position of women must remain “inside the kitchen”. Therefore, after a decade, women can now be more confident, independent and can receive more career, advanced studying opportunities to achieve their ambitions.

Actually, both in the past and now, women’s effort is still not recognized appropriately. Although men praise women’s roles, in rural and urban areas, some husbands are so dominant that they do not allow women to negotiate or to jointly make decisions with them. This reality results from the common conception that  men are superior to women so they should be paid special attention to. Hence, experiencing women become stronger and more progressive seems to be a challenge for men. It is so unfair for mothers because they exert themselves in building a happy home despite confronting so much burdens coming from managing the family affairs and numerous pressures at workplace. Their excellent merits should have not been neither denied nor taken for granted.

In conclusion, wives ought to be understood and shared by their husbands  not underestimated or envied for their achievements. The women nowadays love to pursue the passions but they also dare to sacrifice their dreams to take care of their beloved home as our mothers, grandmothers ten years ago.

 

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It is easy to be seen that more and more women work outside their homes and have access to higher education than a decade ago. Some people might think that men finally have a better outlook on gender equality and thus this is the chance for the women to develop themselves and shine on their own ways. However, this change does reflect the ruthless fact that women has not yet fully recognized for their talents and contributions to outside and inside the family.

 

One area of differences includes an increase in the number of working mothers and girl’s enrolments enrollments in higher education. In the past, men might be regarded as the breadwinners and women were known only as the caretakers of the whole family from bringing  up the children to performing all the chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry. Nowadays, women make money at the same rate as men or even better, they even make remarkable contribution to economics, education and politics. An evident example is Ms Nguyen Thi Kim Ngan, a Vietnamese politician that has currently served as chairwomen of the National Assembly of Vietnam. That she is the first woman to take the leading position in Politics Sector has broken all the old-fashioned concepts like the position of women must remain “inside the kitchen”. Therefore, after a decade, women can now be more confident, independent and can receive more career, advanced studying opportunities to achieve their ambitions.

Actually, both in the past and now, women’s effort is still not recognized appropriately. Although men praise women’s roles, in rural and urban areas, some husbands are so dominant that they do not allow women to negotiate or to jointly make decisions with them. This reality results from the common conception that  men are superior to women so they should be paid special attention to. Hence, experiencing women become stronger and more progressive seems to be a challenge for men. It is so unfair for mothers because they exert themselves in building a happy home despite confronting so much burdens coming from managing the family affairs and numerous pressures at workplace. Their excellent merits should have not been neither denied nor taken for granted.

In conclusion, wives ought to be understood and shared by their husbands  not underestimated or envied for their achievements. The women nowadays love to pursue the passions but they also dare to sacrifice their dreams to take care of their beloved home as our mothers, grandmothers ten years ago.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý cách đây bởi (32 điểm)
Dạ nếu được bạn cho mình đánh giá band của bài viết này là bao nhiêu chấm với ạ ?

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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