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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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In the modern life, all of things around us develop. Social media are not exception. They are becoming more and more curious. They are always constantly concerned with the celebrities’ lives and relationships. The social media should pay more attention to the lives of ordinary people, in lieu of exploiting all information’s from the celebrities and demonstrating that information’s on broadcasts.

In social lives, we can sometimes run into some actions, activities... which help society better and better. For example, some organizations about the environment protection or helping poor people have been established by groups of people who want the social lives of their country’s citizen to be improved much more. Those groups of people are always prepared willing to devote their health, their properties, their time and also their lives just helping to others, improving to the environment. Thus, they are our silent hero. This is true with the Vietnamese famous poet’s saying: “Life is giving, not just getting to you”. Hence, those meaningful activities should be more paid attention than the celebrities’ lives and their relationships.

The other side of coin is that we should also carry about the celebrities. And the media just need pay attention to basic information’s of the celebrities such as their social activities, their appearances... Take Ronaldo for instance, we just need to know about what social activities that he has done in the past or his appearance when he is in front of the cameras. What is mentioning is that the media have violated their privacy. Concretely, the celebrities have been being inquisitive by media. They are always interested in the famous people’s lives and relationships. And when they find out some information’s from celebrities’ relationship and lives, they will proclaim those information’s for society. Some of information will become scandals and the celebrities will be tremendously affected by those informations. They may be stressful, and their cause, their achievements may be also collapsed.

In my viewpoint, perhaps, the problem should be solved into two factors. Media should pay attention to ordinary people’s lives as much as celebrities. From there, they can show an overview about the picture of society in reality for people, and give people the hottest news about society.
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In the modern life, all of things around us develop. Social media are not exception. They are becoming more and more curious (curious dùng cho nghĩa positive mà ở đây mình nên dùng nosey hay hơn nhé!) They are always constantly (đã có always/constantly thì nên bỏ một trong hai) concerned with (for/about not with) the celebrities’ lives and relationships. The social media should pay more attention to the lives of ordinary people, in lieu of exploiting all information’s from the celebrities and demonstrating that information(’s) on broadcasts.

In social lives, we can sometimes run into some actions, activities... which help society better and better. For example, some organizations about the environment protection or helping poor people have been established by groups of people who want the social lives of their country’s citizen to be improved much more (câu này mình làm chủ động nhe hay hơn). Those groups of people are always prepared willing (lại thừa một trong hai) to devote their health, their properties, their time and also their lives just (to, vì devote + to) helping to others, improving to the environment. Thus, they are our silent hero(es). This is true with (for) the Vietnamese famous poet’s saying: “Life is giving, not just getting to you”. Hence, those meaningful activities should be more paid attention than the celebrities’ lives and their relationships.

The other side of coin is that we should also carry about (sai nghĩa) the celebrities. And the media just need(s) to pay attention to basic information’s of the celebrities such as their social activities, their appearances... Take Ronaldo for instance, we just need to know about what social activities that he has (had) done in the past or his appearance when he is in front of the cameras. What is mentioning (being mentioned) is that the media have violated their privacy. Concretely, the celebrities have been being inquisitive by media (câu này sai nghĩa và cách dùng). They are always interested in the famous people’s lives and relationships. And when they find out some information’s from celebrities’ relationship and lives, they will proclaim those information’s for (to) society. Some of (the) information will become scandals and the celebrities will be tremendously affected by those informations. They may be(come) stressful, and their cause (chọn từ hay hơn, nghĩa lại tiếp tục sai), their achievements may be also (also be) collapsed.

In my viewpoint, perhaps, the problem should be solved into two factors (chưa rõ nghĩa và sai). Media should pay attention to ordinary people’s lives as much as celebrities. From there, they can show an overview about the picture of society in reality for people, and give people the hottest news about society.
Mình thấy bạn mắc khá nhiều lỗi về 's và cách dùng the, một số câu bạn làm chưa thực sự convincingly và rõ nghĩa. Lập luận của bạn chưa thể hiện rõ viewpoint lắm. Bạn nên làm lại nhé!

 

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