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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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Some people believe that people who spend time reading novels have narrowed their vivid imagination as well as improving their skills in term of language than those who watching TV. I totally agree with the statement because the benefits of reading have helped a myriad of people have been affected by these positive outcomes.

The first reason why I believe reading have developed artistry is that all of the readers virtually have their own perspective. This is because through reading novels, readers can be able to see all angle of issues in each pages of a writer. As well as this, they can put theirselves in somebody shoes and are willing to share or talk with another person in an intimate conversation. To illustrate, most of well-known politicians do always know how to attract listeners by illustrating knowledge or a story in order to make their speech more professionally.

Aother reason why I support the notion that readers are impacted by the benefits of novels is that they can naturally develop a focus and concentration skills. This is due to those who prefer reading are more likely to increase memory. Besides that, it can boost the cognitive development better than watching TV, especially for youngster. In addtion, thanks for reading, the language skills is easy to be improved in term of writing and speaking. As well as this, book lovers can find it easy to learn brand-new vocabulary without feeling bored compared to textbooks at school.

In conclusion, I totally agree that the benefits from reading have helped people to enhance their imagination and language skills. Owing to it helps readers have perspectives, be more concentrate and improve language skills. Given this situation, it seems that everybody should strive to spend more time reading instead of watching telly in order to improve lifestyle.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Opinion bởi (3 điểm)
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1 góp ý

+1 phiếu

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/Writing-Task-2_Better-imagination-skills-by-novels-than-watching-TV.docx

Some people believe that people who spend time reading novels have narrowed their vivid imagination [p1] as well as improving their skills [p2] in term of [p3] language than those who watching TV[p4] . I totally agree with the statement because the benefits of reading have helped a myriad of people have been affected by these positive outcomes.

The first reason why I believe reading have developed artistry is that all of the readers virtually have their own perspective. This is because through reading novels, readers can be able to see all angles of issues in each pages of a writer. As well as this, they can put theirselves themselves in somebody shoes and are willing to share or talk with another person in an intimate conversation. To illustrate, most of well-known politicians do always know how to attract listeners by illustrating knowledge or a story in order to make their speech more professionally.
[p5] 
Another reason why I support the notion that readers are impacted by the benefits of novels is that they can naturally develop a focus and concentration skills. This is due to those who prefer reading are more likely to increase memory improve their memories. Besides that Besides/ Beside that, it can boost the cognitive development better than watching TV, especially for youngsters. In addition, thanks for reading thanks to reading, the language skills is easy to be improved in terms of writing and speaking. As well as this, book lovers can find it easy to learn brand-new vocabulary without feeling bored compared to textbooks at school.

In conclusion, I totally agree that the benefits from reading have helped people to enhance their imagination and language skills. Owing to it helps readers have perspectives, be more concentrate and improve language skills. Given this situation, it seems that everybody should strive to spend more time reading instead of watching telly in order to improve lifestyle their skills.


 [p1]Remove “narrow” as it carries the opposite meaning

Remove “vivid” since it is not appropriate in this sentence

-> “have fostered their imagination”

 [p2]Grammar Error: “have fostered” -> “as well as improved”

 [p3]Vocabulary Error: Always “in terms of”

 [p4]Grammar Error: “than those who watch TV”/ “than those watching TV”

 [p5]Task Achievement: I cannot see that this “illustration” is relevant to your idea, you should say “most of well-known politicans always recommend people to read books, and most of them know how to attract listeners…”


CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

 Task Response

6

  • addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
  • presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
  • presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

Coherence and Cohesion

6

  • arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
  • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
  • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
  • uses paragraphing, but not always logically

Lexical Resource

6

  • uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
  • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
  • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6

  • uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
  • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

Overall

6

 

 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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I appreciate to your time to correct and comment for my essay smiley

you re welcome ^^

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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