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Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, prison the primary method to deal with criminals. However, treating offenders should rely on education and training rather than jailing for a period of time. Personally judging, an agreement is my point of view as many positive effects given by education and training compare with gaol.

Firstly, sentencing guilty individuals for a period of separation create many negative impacts on psychology and job opportunity in the future. In details, after being isolated for a period of time, criminals will become less communication.Also, a variety of criminals does not have enough required skill to apply an occupation. The time stays in prison, the less chance to sustain a moral life. Furthermore, the counts written on curriculum vitae of criminal prevent them to get an equal look of the society. As a result, offenders may have a variety of problems when they come back to society. Consequently, recidivism is an inevitable result, leading to the failure of prison system around the world.

Secondly, education and training may solve the initial problem of criminals as lack of knowledge to sustain their life morally. In details, mandatory education improves offender’s understanding to support them to keep up with the development of the general public. Also, the most important thing to reduce the recidivism rate is morality which only can perform by education. Furthermore, training adds the necessary skills for guilty individuals to apply a job after coming back to society. As a result, offenders will have more chance to change their life. Consequently, education and training not only reduce the recdivism ability, but also creating abundant labor resourse for  society.

To conclude, recovering morally is possible for criminals, even in the worst case of crimes. Thus, handling people committing crime rely on educating and nurturing is more effective in every way compare with prison.

 

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In many countries, prison is the primary method to deal with criminals. However, treating offenders should rely on education and training rather than jailing for a period of time. Personally judging, an agreement is my point of view as many positive effects given by education and training compared with gaol.

Firstly, sentencing guilty individuals for a period of separation creates negative impacts on psychology and job opportunities in the future. In details, after being isolated for a period of time, criminals will become less communication  communicative.Also, a variety of criminals does not have enough required skill to apply for an occupation. The more time stays in prison, the less chance to sustain a moral life. Furthermore, the counts written on curriculum vitae of criminal prevent them to get from getting an equal look of the society. As a result, offenders may have a variety of problems when they come back to society. Consequently, recidivism is an inevitable result, leading to the failure of prison system around the world.

Secondly, education and training may solve the initial problem of criminals as lack of knowledge to sustain their life morally. In details, mandatory education improves offender’s understanding to support them to keep up with the development of the general public. Also, the most important thing to reduce the recidivism rate is morality ,which only can perform be performed by education. Furthermore, training adds the necessary skills for guilty individuals to apply a job after coming back to society. As a result, offenders will have more chance to change their life. Consequently, education and training not only reduce the recdivism ability, but also creating create abundant labor resourse for  society.

To conclude, recovering morally is possible for criminals, even in the worst case of crimes. Thus, handling people committing crime rely on educating and nurturing is more effective in every ways compared with prison.

 

 
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Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/Writing-Task-2_-Crime.docx

CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

Task Achivement

        5.5

• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

• presents a relevant position although the conclusions may
become unclear or repetitive
• presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail

Coherence and Cohension

5.5

• presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression

• uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within
and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
• may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
• uses paragraphing, but not always logically

Lexical Resource

5.5

• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
• attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some
inaccuracy
• makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but
they do not impede communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.5

• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
• attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences

• may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

Overall

      5.5

Overall, you have a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes in your essay. You have to read more essay samples, check your mistakes, gain more vocabulary related to IELTS topics and consistently practice writing.

You have great potential, try your best.

 

 

 

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Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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