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TOPIC task 2 ngày 06/07/2019:

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

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Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Chữa Đề IELTS Hàng Tuần bởi (206 điểm)
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It is argued that domestic foods are preferred than the imported ones thanks to being eco-friendly and reasonable. Personally, I believe that their benefits outweigh drawbacks for the following reasons.

On the one hand, it is conspicuous that consuming local foods would bring about several disadvantages. First and foremost, domestic foods sometimes cannot meet the demand of residents, especially in some disaster areas. If flood damages all the crops in one region, it is vital that this local should import foodstuff from neighbourhoods to feed themselves. Secondly, in some areas, in dry season, land is so barren that only a few plants can grow. Taking Central Vietnam as an example, dry season here lasts six months without any rains; therefore, there are just a small number of plants can survive in this weather conditions. Food supply is quite rare, emerging the need for shipped food.

On the other hand, I believe that the advantages of regional foods are worthwhile. Firstly, because domestic foods incur significantly low shipping fees and tariffs, consumers save much money when buying local ones. For instance, comparing with imported American watermelon sold for $2 per kilogram, that grown in Hanoi costs only $0.5 per kilogram thanks to less tax and shipping charge. Secondly, eating domestic foods not only contribute in growing GDP, but stipulate demand and supply of this country as well. As a result, the economy is positively affected by increasing the use of regional foodstuffs. Last but not least, its environmentally-friendly benefit is no doubt by saving fuel for shipping and limiting car fumes. 

In conclusion, although consuming local foodstuffs has both benefits and drawbacks, it seems to me that its advantages would be more important regarding lower price, and positive impacts on not only economy but also the environment.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (55 điểm)

It is argued that domestic foods [NN1] are preferred than the imported ones thanks to being [NN2] eco-friendly and reasonable. Personally, I believe that their benefits outweigh drawbacks for the following reasons.

On the one hand, it is conspicuous [NN3] that consuming local foods [NN4] would bring about several disadvantages. First and foremost, domestic foods sometimes cannot meet the demand of residents, especially in some disaster areas[NN5] . If [NN6] flood damages all the crops in one region, it is vital that this local should import foodstuff from neighbourhoods[NN7]  to feed themselves. Secondly, in some areas, in dry season, land is so barren that only a few plants can grow. Taking Central Vietnam as an example, dry season here lasts six months without any rains; therefore, there are just a small number of plants can survive in this weather conditions. Food supply is quite rare, emerging the need for shipped food.[NN8]

On the other hand, I believe that the advantages of regional foods are worthwhile. Firstly, because domestic foods incur significantly low shipping fees and tariffs, consumers save much money when buying local ones. For instance, comparing with imported American watermelons sold for $2 per kilogram, that grown [NN9] in Hanoi costs only $0.5 per kilogram thanks to less tax and shipping charge. Secondly, eating domestic foods [NN10] not only contribute in growing GDP, but stipulate demand and supply of this country as well. As a result, the economy is positively affected by increasing the use [NN11] of regional foodstuffs. Last but not least, its environmentally-friendly benefit [NN12] is no doubt by saving fuel for shipping and limiting car fumes. 

In conclusion, although consuming local foodstuffs has both benefits and drawbacks, it seems to me that its advantages would be more important regarding [NN13] lower price, and positive impacts on not only economy but also the environment.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               296 words


 [NN1]Grammar error:  generally, food is uncoutable

 [NN2]Inappropriate vocabulary: because it is

 [NN3]Inappropriate vocabulary: obivous/ undeinable/ clear

 [NN4] [NN4]Grammar error:  generally, food is uncoutable

 

 [NN5]Inappropriate vocabulary: in some areas which have just suffered from natural disasters

 [NN6]Idea suggestion:  for exmaple, of…..

 [NN7]Inappropriate vocabulary:  from the regions nearby

 [NN8]Grammar error: which leads to the increasing need for imported food

 [NN9]Idea suggestion: those grown in hanoi cost

 [NN10] [NN10]Grammar error:  generally, food is uncoutable

 [NN11]Inaappropriate vocabulary: by the increasing use of

 [NN12]Idea suggestion: this trend is also beneficial for

 [NN13]Inappropriate vocabulary: more considerable due to its lower price as well as its positive impacts

 

CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

Task Achivement

        6.5

• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

 • presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

Coherence and Cohension

6.0

•  arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression

• uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

• may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

Lexicle Resource

        6.0

• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

• attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

• produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
• makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

Overall

       6.0

Overall, your essay is OK. You should read more task 2 writing instructions, gain more vocabulary related to IETLS topics and consistently practize writing.

You have great potential, be more careful next time.

 

 


Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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