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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

My writing:

   Going shopping has been a vital part of our daily lives, which in the past was a routine household chore, but now, it is more likley to be considered as a hobby. In my opinion, it is still debatable that if this trend is good or not.

   For earlier generations, shopping was just a tedious set of tasks including visiting some certain shops with certain goods, bargaining and trading. Besides, at that time, there was the only one way of payment for buyers which was using cash.

   Nowadays, however, there are several changes in going shopping. Particularly, the term "shopping" is not only linked to traditional markets, but also to different places , in fact, namely supermarkets or shopping malls. These places offer comfortable environments as well as a variety of commodities with appealing advertisement ranging from food to electronic device , which can attract customers and be quite time-saving for them to come and buy things. Furthermore, according to a survey by a university in America, many shoppers with busy schedules found that going shopping with their families at weekends is a good way to reduce stress.

   Nevertheless, it is undeniable that regarding shopping as a favorite hobby also brings some negative effects. In detail, the young now has increasingly become more interested in going shopping than  doing other activities like sports. Moreover, because of this kind of hobby, sometimes, people tend to buy things which they do not really need, making them get into some finacial troubles at the end of months. 

  In conclusion, although shopping is more interesting in the present, I do not think it is essential to turn it into a hobby. 

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there are few mistakes in this essay: 

it is more likley to be considered as a hobby. : it more likely to be...

 finacial troubles at the end of months.  financial....

In conclusion you should write more about this trend. 

for example: ... and we should consider the  buget when shopping to reduce the stress but not get into financial troubles at the end of month 

you should combine paragraph 1 and 2 into one paragraph and talk about the revolution in shopping 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (2 điểm)
Thank you for your feedback. But I think "likely" is adj, so why it is "it more likely to be..."?
it is more likely nhé. T viết thiếu :))))

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
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