ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới

Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và ban tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

2.7k Bài viết

3.8k Góp ý

2.2k bình luận

78.8k thành viên

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

 

After high school, students have to decide whether to continue studying by going to university or getting a job. While getting a job straight after school has many advantages for a successful future, I believe that being admitted to a prestigious university would be better for some reasons.

On one hand, It is understandable to see that the majority of students land jobs after finishing academic programs. Some do not have enough score to continue studying, some, in contrast, just want to gain work experience earlier than those who further their studies. Moreover, they could have opportunities to sharpen their social skills in the workplace, such as communication, collaboration,..., which are really vital in the technology-driven world. Nevertheless, for students who want to acquire professional jobs like dentist, lawyer or teacher..., It would be a must to have degrees specializing in these fields which they are able to only receive in university.

On the other hand, the option of going to studying at college or university would be utterly beneficial in my opinion. In terms of academic qualification, the university not only provides undergraduates with knowledge renewed annually but also the enormous number of opportunities. For example, large enterprises are seeking most talented employees in universities. They offer high salaries, motivating workplace environments, and rewarding holiday trips... Moreover, most universities currently organized soft skill training program from which student could be certificated. These programs are mostly taught by professionals or experienced trainers.

To conclude, it seems to me that students could be far successful if they choose to continue their studies in college or university beyond school level.

 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Chữa Đề IELTS Hàng Tuần bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

2 góp ý

0 phiếu

Hello, I have some comments on your essay based on my perspective, please do not be serious. I have read your full essay and I have some kinds of vague understandings of your points. For example, you mentioned in the intro "getting a job straight after school has many advantages for a successful future" but throughout the second paragraph, I did not find any convincing arguments of advantages for early joining labour forces. However, in the third paragraph, the opposite view was fairly discussed and sounded persuasive. Besides, I suppose you had some irrelevant word choices. If I may, I would reword your essay as below:

 

Making decisions on either joining the job markets or continuing further study in a university after graduation is confusing high school students. While starting working as early as possible may bring about advantages for a successful future, I believe being admitted to a prestigious university would be better for some reasons.

On one hand, it is obvious that a majority of students land a job after finishing high school programs. This may be due to lack of qualifications which are required for a university student's eligibility or personal preferences. Anyway, joining the labour force immediately after graduation would enable graduates to earn enough money to live independently or to support their family and his siblings' education. Moreover, working experiences are advantages that going-to-work graduates would outstrip their friends who decide to follow further study and as a result, they might get to a level of success in their careers sooner.

On the other hand, getting a diplomat from university programs, in my opinion, could benefit students in some careers. Some occupations such as doctors, astronauts or architectures require a specialized knownledge to handle the tasks and for those who like to work in these fields, a degree is definitely a must. Furthermore, large corporations usually offer working opportunities or internship to undergraduates thanks to not only academic expertise but also state-of-the-art soft skill training programs provided by university. Students who are certified could have a chance to earn higher salaries and more holiday trips than those who start working immediately.

To conclude, it seems to me that students could be far more successful if they choose to continue their studying paths in college or university.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (6 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi
0 phiếu

On THE one hand, It is understandable to see that the  A majority of students SEEK FOR THEIR land jobs after finishing academic programs

Some do not have enough score  WHAT YOU MEAN ? to continue studying, some, in contrast, just want to gain work experience earlier than those who HAVE further their studies. Moreover, they could have opportunities to sharpen their social skills in the workplace, such as communication, collaboration ,..., ARE NOT RECOMMENDED

On the other hand, the option of going to studying at college or university would be utterly beneficial in my opinion NOT NECCESSARY

 the university not only provides undergraduates with knowledge renewed annually but also AN the enormous number of opportunities

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (88 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)
...