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Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is widely believed that music can act as a powerful means to connect people from all different ages and backgrounds. Having seen so many cultural and generation gaps bridged by music made me totally convinced that music holds such power.

The first reason is, unlike speech, music does not require its audience to understand the language to enjoy the songs, thereby allowing people who speak different languages to connect with each other. Not to mention, many songs hardly contain a word such as Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven or Kiss the Rain by Yiruma; yet they still manage to be loved by many people around the world. This has proved that music represents a universal language that everybody speaks and shares feelings.  

Secondly, music has been regarded as the most effective means to convey emotions. Indeed, since ages, people have employed music to express their love, happiness, sorrow and even fear. It is not exaggerating to say that music is capable of expressing any emotion. Hence, for many cases, indirectly communicating via music is likely enhance the effects of communication.  

Last but not least, senior generations and young people can understand each other better by sharing a common favorite genre of music. Nowadays, it is not strange to see young people keen on classical music as well as older people finding themselves dancing to new pop songs. It is because music has no limitations and it enables people of different ages to explore others’ generations’ likings and styles.     

To sum up, music as an essential part of people’ lives around the globe, holds the power of bringing people together regardless of their backgrounds or ages by its abundance in emotions and limitless boundaries.
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I do not have any more suggestions or ideas on your writing because personally I suppose that you have practiced a lot, regarding vocabulary, you put every word in an appropriate context. It sounds really natural and I can keep up with your fluency from the beginning. 

Then you use linking words quite excellently, I often choose to use more advanced words but it seems that sometimes less is more, by the way I am impressed by your Grammaticcal Range and Accuracy.

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Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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