Bạn không đưa chủ đề và đồ thị nên rất khó để hiểu bạn muốn viết gì. Mình chỉ sửa một số lỗi ngữ pháp.
The chart illustrates the original numbers and the estimated numbers people travelled to a new art gallery between 1990 and 2001 whereas two pie charts have data the amount of pleased rated by visitors to the gallery in this period. [S1]
Overall, the number of tourists had an upward trend in the real numbers while the estimated numbers saw a slight increase after fluctuating over the period in question. [S2]
From 1993 to 1994, there was a considerable decrease in the actual number of visitors came to the event of Shop opened, from 2000 to 1500. [S3] However, the estimated numbers saw slight growth, from 500 to 750. [S4] Besides, the actual people who were the most attracted by the Event of New Director Appointed peaked at 3000 in 1996. [S5] Meanwhile, there was a levelling off at the number of estimated tourists in this period. [S6]
We can see that the number of pleased tourists went up as twice times over the 11 years, from 30% to 70%. [S7] On the other hand, the number of people who were both dissatisfied and don't know saw a dramatic fall, between 1990 and 2001. [S8] From 40% to 20% with dissatisfied, from 30% to 10% with don't know. [S9]
It is clear from the graph that the actual number of people who visited the gallery exceeded expectation by a wide margin. [S10]
the original numbers and the estimated numbers people -> the original numbers and the estimated numbers of people.
whereas two pie charts have data the amount of pleased rated by visitors to the gallery in this period. -> whereas two pie charts have data on visitors’ satisfaction during this period.
in question: có nghĩa là đáng ngờ. Không biết là ý bạn muốn viết gì?
growth: số ít hay số nhiều? nếu số ít thì nên có “a”.
as twice times -> twice. Twice đã có nghĩa là 2 lần rồi.
don't know saw a dramatic fall: sai thì. Đoạn này không hiểu bạn muốn nói gì nên mình không thể sửa được.
with dissatisfied, with don't know. Theo sau giới từ “with” thường là một danh từ hoặc V_ing.
Đây chưa phải là một câu hoàn chỉnh, không có chủ ngữ và vị ngữ.