The media should limit how much bad news they report because it discourages people from doing activities which usually involve very little risk. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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In this day and age, people have different view about media. There are a number of bad news they report which has a negative effect to people . To a certain extent I agree that the media should have some methods to limit the amount of bad news reported. However I also argue that sometimes it affects people from doing their activities.

On the one hand, television, radio, and the internet indicate many news about isolated incidents such as a number of accidents. As a result, many people worry about normal things such as allowing their children play in the park. I feel this is a pity and that the media should reduce the amount of bad news they tell.

On other hand, I also propose that mass media should not limit showed. Firstly, it could be due to free access to information so as to decide by their own analysis. On the second place, people have to know about more information in order to aware event happening nearby. Moreover, they have to able to decide for themselves what risks are involved in particular activity. For example,  forecast weather provide for us to know weather when having storm, so what we can more carefully and have solution to deal with this problem. One cannot deny that we just restrict amount of bad news, so that it can help us best. 

In conclusion, there are many aspects to maintain or avoid the bad news. Each of them has some advantages and disadvantages, but if we know to adjust logically, it will help you many problems. 

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Theo ý kiến riêng của mình thì bài viết của bạn hơi thiếu logic và 1 số chỗ bị sai ngữ pháp hoặc do cách diễn đạt nên mình chưa hiếu hết được ý của bạn.

Sau đây là 1 số góp ý của mình:

1. Mở bài:

  • In this day and age, people have different view about media. => views
  • To a certain extent I agree that the media should have some methods to limit the amount of bad news reported. However I also argue that sometimes it affects people from doing their activities. => Đoạn này thì mình chưa hiểu ý bạn muốn truyền đạt. Dạng đề "To what extend do you agree or disagree" này yêu cầu bạn đưa ra ý kiến về 1 vấn đề. Theo cách viết của bạn, mình hiểu rằng đây là 2 vấn đề. Vấn đề 1 là truyền thông cần giảm bớt tin xấu được đăng. Vấn đề 2 là nó ảnh hưởng tới các hoạt động của con người. Trong khi đây chỉ là một :" Truyền thông cần giảm bớt số lượng tin xấu họ đăng vì nó gây ảnh hưởng xấu tới hoạt động hàng ngày của con người. Bạn đồng ý hay không đồng ý với ý kiến này?"
  • Vậy nên mở bài mình recommend là : "We are living in a world where the impact of media is a heated topic. Therefore, the influence of negative information on people's daily activities are considered. In my opinion, I agree that media company should have some solutions to control posts in order to reduce stress and bad effects on human routine."
  • Ngoài ra, bạn nên paraphrase lại đề bài và tránh lặp lại các từ của đề ngay trong mở bài.
  • Nếu bạn đang định viết theo cách là "Tôi đồng ý 1 phần" thì mình recommend như sau: "This is an ambivalent problems. From my perspective, although the control on bad news is required, it obviously has a necessary state on human awarness about the social problems"

2. Thân bài:

  • I feel this is a pity and that the media should reduce the amount of bad news they tell. => Mình nghĩ nên hạn chế đưa cảm xúc của bản thân vào bài vì như vậy bài viết sẽ giống bài viết formal hơn là 1 bài viết academic. Ielts là đề thi academic nên thí sinh nên sử dụng các từ ngữ, cách viết academic.
  • Độ dài và số lượng idea của 2 đoạn của bạn hơi lệch nhau. Đoạn 3 gấp đôi đoạn 2 Đây là lỗi về cấu trúc bài. Nên cân đối về độ dài cũng như số idea trong 2 đoạn văn. Nếu đoạn 3 bạn có 2 lý do thì đoạn 2 cũng nên có 2 lý do.

3. Kết bài:

  • Again, tránh sử dụng những câu như thế này "but if we know to adjust logically, it will help you many problems. " Mình cũng đang học ielts thôi nên không thể giải thích 1 cách rõ ràng. Nhưng qua những khóa học thì các thầy đều recommend là không nên viết như thế này. 

 

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Nowadays, people have different views about media. There are a number of bad news they report which has a negative effect to people . To a certain extent I agree that the media should have some methods to limit the amount of bad news reported. However I also argue that sometimes it affects people from doing their activities.

On the one hand, television, radio, and the internet indicate many news about isolated incidents such as a number of accidents. As a result, many people worry about normal things such as allowing their children play in the park. I feel this is a pity and that the media should reduce the amount of bad news they tell.

On the other hand, I also propose that mass media should not limitedly showed. Firstly, it could be due to free access to information so as to decide by their own analysis. On the second place??, people have to know more about  information in order to be aware event happening nearby. Moreover, they have to able to decide for themselves what risks are involved in particular activity. For example,  forecast weather provide for us to know weather when having storm, so what we can more carefully and have solution to deal with this problem. One can not deny that we just restrict amount of bad news, so that it can help us best ??

In conclusion, there are many aspects to maintain or avoid the bad news. Each of them has some advantages and disadvantages, but if we know  how to adjust logically, it will help you to tackle many problems. 

 

 

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