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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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As grown-ups, people are likely to become more independent and responsible for their adult lives. They may pursue the career they choose, they work hard to achieve certain goals and to make their dreams come true. Whatever the purposes are, it is indisputable that career fulfilment plays an essential role in the durability as well as the efficency of working. In this essay, I will discuss about two main factors which tremendously affect the job satisfaction and indicate the feasible levels of its expectation.

One of the most decisive points partly leading to the contentedness in occupation is working environment. The atmosphere at workplace contributes directly to workers' attitudes towards their jobs, thereby there may be changes in productivity. For example, if a person suffers from a great deal of pressure appearing frequently in daily work, they are deeply in distress that they do not feel the call to accomplish their tasks effectively.

Another predominant element in career satisfaction is that the chances of promotion. The high probability of climbing up the career ladder is one of the biggest motives for ambitious staffs to put splendid efforts into their workload. Once they are promoted, which also means the salaries are raised, they tend to be more optimistic and energetic so that they will keep forging the hard work in order to gain further goals.

Practically, the expectation of job security for the whole workers is based on their personal lives. It could be a reach of aim, contented earnings, a fulfilment of doing the favourite job as well as an expansion of social relationships. In adult life, for most people, occupation has become an indispensable part of their day. Therefore, the likelihood is that workers expect their jobs to be practicably satisfied related to the life they experience.

In conclusion, I assert that working environment and chances of promotion are the most important factors of individual general satisfaction at workplaces. Besides, the expectation of job satisfaction is feasible due to the workers' personal life experiences which might critically affects the standpoint and certain aims in their own careers.
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Off my view, your answer for the first questions is quite good. I recommend you use more noun phrases related to the topics.

For the second question, you should dig deeply into the question by reasoning your opinions.
Rating: 6.90
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)
Personally I think that the second question was answered quite clear with persuasive reasons. Anyway can you state more particularly how it should be answered according to you?

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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