882 views
0 votes
0 votes

Nhờ các bạn chữa giùm mình và dự đoán xem bài mình ở band mấy với ạ!! Thanks!!

[TOPIC]In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most students should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

[ESSAY] It has been said that investing in education is investing in one’s future. Every single child born has the right to go to school, to be educated, to be developed in terms of constitution and cognition. Nonetheless, some people hold the belief that pupils should end up their study at primary school in the countries that employment rate is low. To my view, I completely disagree with this.

Nobody can argue that high-profile employees are always in need in any organizations. Therefore, there are many opportunities for those who are well-trained and possess an excellent educational background. On the contrary, if the workforce in a country is primarily under secondary education level, not only will it fail to give the impetus to boost economic development but also trigger a crisis of human resources.

Furthermore, the act of investing in education will produce talented individuals as directors of huge corporations, making contributions to the economy billions of dollars and creating thousands of work each year. Or outstanding politicians who can pull the country out of the unemployment crisis. This is unlikely to happen as the potential students cease pursuing higher level of study. The latest evidence suggests that developed countries spend a large amount of money on education programs yearly, which proves that this field plays a vital role in the prosperity of a nation.

To summarize, we should not be indifferent to the teaching and learning in schools. In other words, the government needs to give top priority to the growth of future generations. Ultimately, everything that humans have been achieving so far stems from the curiosity and the learning from primitive age.

 

by
42 points

Please log in or register to answer this question.

1 Answer

0 votes
0 votes

Furthermore, the act of investing in education will produce talented individuals as directors of huge corporations, making contributions to the economy billions of dollars and creating thousands of work each year. Or outstanding politicians who can pull the country out of the unemployment crisis. (câu này mình nghĩ nên là một câu hoàn chỉnh thôi, không tách thành 2 câu như này, vì câu sau của bạn không có vị ngữ)

Hai đoạn thân bài của bạn mình thấy không phải là 2 lý do, mà đoạn 2 giống như ví dụ cụ thể cho đoạn 1 hơn.

Theo mình đánh giá thì bài bạn sẽ đạt:

- 6-7 điểm về task response

- 8 về Coherence

- 8 về lexical resource

- 9 về grammar

=> Tổng 8 bài này :D 

by
16 points

1 comment

Cảm ơn bạn nhé, mình  nghĩ bạn chấm mình hơi nhẹ tay  vì bình thường mình làm thì m.n ước lượng chỉ khoảng 6.5 đến 7.0 thôi :D

Related questions