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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about youngers’ activitives in political field. However, whether many young people play a key role in the government is a heat debated. In my opinion, adolescents have entirely ability to paratipate in the government activitives.  

    It can not contradict that young generation is really talent, active and higher education about many different fields. On the publisc’s blogs, websites and media, number of youngers who express their opinions before social, economical etc issues is rapid rise. In fact, they sovle the daily problems more and more effectively and their ideas are usually highly assessed by the pulic. For example,Dong sea sovereignty dispute between Viet Nam and China in recent months, Vietnamese tenager who have used media especially the Internet called for the support of international friends and required the Chinese government respecting the international Sea’s laws. This contributes on reducing stressfull and preventing war both two nations.So, what adolescents hold the important sites in the government is not uncommon.

   However, there are many individuals unbelieving youngers when takingpart in the political works. Politic is one of the complex issues, whether young people have enough experences to do it better? A wrong political decision could also negative impact on a national evently large religional peace. Following time, human have thoughts and actions carefully , so seniors are dificult to make the right choices.

    In conclusion, officals not only need to have wide knowledge but also critical thinking. These requirements younger’s generation can be improved by themselves. Living in the information age, youngers are accessed world news faster and ealier so they can completely find out correct solutions when facing to national dilemmas.
Rating: 7.88
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+1 phiếu

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about youngers’ activitives in political field. However, The topic whether many young people play a key role in the government is a controversial topic heatly debated. In my opinion, adolescents  have entirely ability to paratipate (participate) in the government activitives. 

 It can not contradict that young generation is really talent, active and higher education (highly educated) about in many different fields. On the publisc’s blogs, websites and media, the number of youngers who express their opinions before social, economical etc issues is rapid rise rising rapidly. In fact, they sovle the DAILYimage problems more and more effectively and their ideas are usually highly assessed by the pulic. For example, Dong the (South China) sea sovereignty dispute between Viet Nam and China in recent months,there were Vietnamese tenager who have used media especially the Internet called for the support of international friends and required the Chinese government respecting the international Sea’s laws. This contributes on reducing stressfull and preventing war both two nations.So, what adolescents hold the important sites in the government is not uncommon. (rewrite this sentence)

 

Rating: 2.60
đã góp ý bởi (177 điểm)
Cảm ơn góp ý của bạn cho bài viết của mình
+2 phiếu

However, there are many individuals unbelieving  (untrusworthy?).............................. Politic is one of the complex issues, whether young people have enough experences to do it better? is doubtful. .Following time, human have careful thoughts and actions carefully , so seniors are dificult to make the right choices. (This last sentence confused me? What do you mean by this?)

In conclusion, government officers not only need to have wide knowledge but also critical thinking. These requirements for younger’s generation can be improved by themselves. Living in the highly-developed age information age,

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (177 điểm)
+1 phiếu

In general, I get your point in this essay. However, there are some grammartical mistakes I pointed out above, with just some changes and improvements, I am sure your essay will look much better. Keep writing as much as possible  heongu!

Regards,

Duong NGUYEN.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (177 điểm)

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