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Update: Từ 12/07/2019, Thành viên với số điểm tích lũy từ 10đ trở lên sẽ nhận được bài chữa từ team ieltsplanet.info, số point nhận được sẽ kiểm tra kỹ lưỡng, nếu như phát hiện số điểm bất thường sẽ cảnh cáo và khóa tài khoản của thành viên đó

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Undoubtedly, environment has a profound impact on child development. It is opined that children should be raised in rural areas rather than large metropolises. However, I strongly believe that it is the urban environment that is the optimal place for children to develop themselves.


Cities benefit children in various aspects. In terms of education, young people can attend the prestigious schools and universities with state-of-the-art facilities and enormous educational resources, which allows them to nurture their knowledge and skills. In metropolises, the Internet are consistently available, so that children can access the up-to-date information, in which way they can catch up with the development of society. In addition, cities provide their inhabitants with limitless sources of entertainment. For instance, young people can go to the cinema or coffee shops with their friends or join events like art exhibitions and concerts. In these ways, they can enhance their social knowledge and develop their network of contacts. Consequently, having received a good education, these children can have high-quality jobs with attractive salaries in the future. Another significant advantage of living in cities is that large metropolises have been served by many providers of hospital care with full of essential equipment and modern medicine, so that children can have right treatments for diseases.


On the other hand, despite a variety of benefit, pollution is a matter of concern to the citizens of metropolitan areas. A great amount of fume and dust emitted from factories and means of transportation yearly have contaminated the air seriously, which contributes to human health problems in recent years. In contrast, it can clearly be seen that children in remote areas are healthier, thanks to clean environment and the fresh food grown by the inhabitants themselves. Moreover, there are less social evils in rural areas than cities, so children could not be influenced negatively and tend to be disobedient and naughty.


In conclusion, although the disadvantages of metropolises and the advantages of rural areas are undeniable, I still agree that metropolitan regions are the most appropriate places for parents to bring up their children, due to opportunities for good education, various types of entertainment and great chances to make relationships. This will help the children in achieving success in long run.

 
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Undoubtedly, environment has a profound impact on child development. It is opined that children should be raised in rural areas rather than large metropolises. However, I strongly believe that it is the urban environment that is the optimal place for children to develop themselves.

 

Cities benefit children in various aspects (câu bị khó hiểu). In terms of education, young people can attend the prestigious schools and universities with state-of-the-art facilities and enormous educational resources, which allows them to nurture their knowledge and skills. In metropolises, the Internet are consistently available, so that children can access the up-to-date information, in which way they can catch up with the development of society. In addition, cities provide their inhabitants with limitless sources of entertainment. For instance, young people can go to the cinema or coffee shops with their friends or join (involve in) events like (hơi k đc chuẩn viết cho lắm nên dùng such as) art exhibitions and concerts. In these ways, they can enhance their social knowledge and develop their network of contacts. Consequently, having received a good education, these children can have high-quality jobs with attractive salaries (well-pay jobs) in the future. Another significant advantage of living in cities is that large metropolises have been served by many providers of hospital care with full of essential equipment and modern medicine, so that children can have right treatments for diseases.

 

On the other hand, despite a variety of benefit (benefits), pollution is a matter of concern to the citizens of metropolitan areas. A great amount of fume and dust emitted from factories and means of transportation yearly have contaminated the air seriously, which contributes to human (causes) health problems in recent years. In contrast, it can clearly be seen that children in remote areas are healthier, thanks to clean environment and the fresh food grown by the inhabitants themselves. Moreover, there are less social evils in rural areas than cities, so children could not be influenced negatively and tend to be disobedient and naughty.

 

In conclusion, although the disadvantages of metropolises and the advantages of rural areas are undeniable, I still agree that metropolitan regions are the most appropriate places for parents to bring up their children, due to opportunities for good education, various types of entertainment and great chances to make relationships. This will help the children in achieving success in long run.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)
0 phiếu
Hi bạn,

Minh góp ý chút về bài trên nhé. Về cơ bản thì mình chỉ lướt qua bài của bạn thì thấy có 1 vấn đề như sau. Bạn đang ủng hộ ý kiến "urban environment" nên về cơ bản trong phần Body, mình suggest bạn viết như sau sẽ hợp lý theo mạch bài hơn:

Cách 1:

   1. Mở bài

   2. Body 1: benefit khi trẻ sống ở rural areas

   3. Body 2: benefit khi sống ở urban (đánh mạnh vào ý này vì bản thân bạn đang muốn support ý này

   4. Kết bài

Cách 2:

   1. Mở bài

   2. Body 1: 1 vài benefit của urban

   3. Body 2: các lợi ích của rural areas

   4. Body 3: ý kiến riêng của bạn về các lợi ích trọng điểm khi sống ở urban (bạn nên cân chỉnh cho body 1 và 3 phù hợp với mạch bài viết)

   5. Kết luận

Mình chỉ muốn góp ý xíu như thế :)
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
Cảm ơn bạn nhiều nha .
0 phiếu
Theo ý kiến của mình thì nếu đề bài thuộc agree - disagree thì nên cố gắng chỉ nhấn mạnh vào ý kiến của mình (benefit of living in urban areas) để tăng sức thuyết phục cho bài essay.

Trong trường hợp này, dàn bài cho body có thể như sau:

Intro

Body 1: Education

   - Idea 1: Qualified education institutions

   - Idea 2: Communication skill

Body 2: Conditions of living

   - Idea 1: Entertainment

   - Idea 2: Health care

Conclusion
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (17 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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