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The bar chart illustrates the percentages of seven purposes which adults attend their appropriate courses for, and the pie chart indicates the proportions of the costs shared.

It is clear from the charts that most adults approach education because of their favorite subjects, and most of the education cost per one course is funded by themselves.

To begin with the bar chart, the percentage of interesting in subject follows that of gaining qualifications, at 38% and 40% in that order. Only 22% of adults decide to continue education because it is helpful for their current job. The figures for improving prospects or promotion and enjoying learning are the same at 20%. There are two insignificant numbers of two last reasons, which are getting new jobs and building up the relationship with other people.

Looking at the pie chart, the individual accounted for 40% of the tuition fee for each course. The percentage of fee per one course funded by employer stands at 35%. There is an exact quarter of the cost shared by the taxpayer.

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'which adults attend their appropriate courses for', trong writing học thuật cần tránh kiểu viết dùng giới từ ở cuối

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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The bar chart illustrates the percentages of seven purposes which adults attend their appropriate courses shouldn't use 'for' here for, and the pie chart indicates the proportions of the costs you should paraphrase this word  shared.

It is clear from the charts that most adults approach education because of their  favorite  subjects, you should use a better term and most of the education cost per one course is funded by themselves.

To begin with the bar chart, the percentage of interesting grammar mistake in subject follows that of gaining qualifications, at 38% and 40% in that order respectively.Only 22% of adults decide to continue education because it is helpful for their current job.paraphrase The figures for improving prospects or promotion and enjoying learning are the same at 20%. There are two insignificant numbers of two last reasons, which are getting new jobs and building up the relationship with other people.

Looking at the pie chart, the individual accounted for 40% of the tuition fee for each course. The percentage of fee per one course funded by employer stands at 35%. There is an exact quarter of the cost shared by the taxpayer.

You should paraphrase more and use complex structures.

TA: More than 150 words, did answer the question- 6

CAC: Understandable. Fine organization. Need to use more linking words between sentences and paragraphs.-6

LR: Vocabulary is still limited. Some words are not accurate and easy to understand, some are not paraphrased.-5

GRA: There are still grammar mistakes and need more complex structures.-5

total: 5.5

P/s: I am not a professional correcter so forgive me if there is something wrong or still missing. Thank you!^^

 

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