Tôi là Tinh Nguyen xin được góp ý bài của bạn như sau:
Nhìn chung, bài bạn viết khá ổn. Tuy nhiên, Theo mình nếu không lầm thì đề bài này là discuss balanced argument. Nhưng có vẻ bạn viết nghiêng về advantage và disadvantage. Vì vậy, mình nghĩ bạn nên sửa lại 2 câu chủ đề của body 1 và 2 , để cho phù hợp với đề bài bạn nhé.
Nowadays, the growing appearance of foreign factories causes some problems for countries. Some people think that government should encourage foreign companies and factories to develop a nation's economy while others argue that government should keep foreign factories out and help domestic companies in their countries. My essay is going to do an autopsy on both ideas.
There are several benefits of encouraging international factories to establish their market in a country. Firstly, thanks to foreign invested companies, local labors can have many greater opportunities to find job (jobs/ a job). In addition, no sooner do foreign factories go to a nation for expanding their market than the country witnesses a rise in the number of employment along with the large number of skilled employees by training programs of foreign factories. Moreover, it is believed that it has positive effects on the development of a country’s economy thanks to the contribution of foreign companies from administrative procedures. For example, annually, the total turnover is added to 50 percent due to collecting taxes from foreign companies in my province. By dint of the mushroom growth of alien companies, local enterprises will have better chances to learn better in more about management and production skills.
Besides On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of allowing foreign companies to invest in a nation. Only because of the increasing appearance of foreign factories and companies do domestic ones lose their position in developing economy. Goods from foreign manufacturers are attractive and cheaper, which hits to consumers’ sentiment; since, domestic goods will no longer attract consumers. Meanwhile, governments are trying to promote their domestic goods to citizens in their countries. As a result, an economy of a nation will gradually become passive. So ("so" thường không đứng đầu câu trong văn viết, bạn có thể dùng "Therefore"), it is the time that government has to take a look closer into the situation of their countries for the path of developing economy in an active way
There are some advantages and disadvantages of the issue that whether encourage or not foreign companies to invest in a country. I myself think that government should consider comprehensively actual conditions of their countries to choose right ways and reasonable policies
Chúc bạn thành công!