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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Fast food is becoming popular in today’s era. However, it is not beneficial for people’s health. I strong believe the number of health risk; it is related to high fast food consumption. I totally agree that government should increase a tax on junk food.

I strong believe that imposing a tax for this kind of food and this can reduce the number of health problems of humankind. Firstly, fast food chain has the most calories, this leads to obese or heart problem. For example, in 2004, it is estimated that nine million between the ages of 6-18 are obese. This includes overweight adults, and obese adults.

Secondly, fast food leads to a lot of health problem. Therefore, government impose heavy tax on this kind of food which have a few benefits. The cost tax can be used as a tool to raise awareness of the harmful effects of junk food. For example, Officials in India’s southern state of Kerala have placed a tax on fast food, at 14.5 percent at restaurants such as McDonald’s, Pizza Hut and Burger Ki. Moreover, in some countries are not imposing a tax for fast food restaurant, however, they impose a higher tax for fat or sugar because the condition of being grossly fat and the problem of obesity among children when they eat fast food and drink soda too much.

In conclusion, fast food help people save their time when they are a bit hectic. However, I would agree that governments should be imposing a hefty tax for fast food because when people have a high consumption of junk and unhealthy food, it causes some diseases like obesity and cardiovascular disease.

 

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Fast food is becoming popular in today’s era[W1] . However, it is not beneficial for people’s health. I strong believe the number of health risk;[W2]  it is related to high fast food consumption[W3] . I totally agree that government should increase a tax on junk food.

I strong believe that imposing a tax[W4]  for this kind of food and this[W5]  can reduce the number of health problems of humankind. Firstly, fast food chain has the most calories, this leads to obese or heart problem. For example, in 2004, it is estimated that nine million between the ages of 6-18 are obese[W6] . This includes overweight adults, and obese adults.

Secondly, fast food leads to a lot of health problem[W7] . Therefore, government impose heavy tax on this kind of food which have a few benefits[W8] . The cost tax can be used as a tool to raise awareness of the harmful effects of junk food. For example, Officials in India’s southern state of Kerala have placed a tax on fast food, at 14.5 percent at restaurants such as McDonald’s, Pizza Hut and Burger Ki. Moreover, in some countries are not imposing a tax for fast food restaurant, however, they impose a higher tax for fat or sugar because the condition of being grossly fat and the problem of obesity among children when they eat fast food and drink soda too much.[W9]

In conclusion, fast food help people save their time when they are a bit hectic. However, I would agree that governments should be imposing a hefty tax for fast food because when people have a high consumption of junk and unhealthy food, it causes some diseases like obesity and cardiovascular disease.


 [W1]Expression suggestion:

Today’s era: it is too strange to me.

Refer: Nowadays, fast food is more popluar

 [W2]Grammar error:

‘The’ only use with specific objectives

‘Number’ must add ‘s’

; ‘ Never use this symbol in writing task 1or 2

 [W3]Expression suggestion:

Which highly ralate to this kind of food.

 [W4]Expression suggestion:

A tax => heavy tax

 [W5]Grammar error:

Relative clauses, you must use ‘that’, ‘ which’

 [W6]Expression suggestion:

When you use specific number, examiner tend to think that you are not honest. It affect direcly your point.

 [W7]Repeated error: you repeat a few times this sentence.

 [W8]Expression error:

You already written ‘topic sentence’ why write it again here?

 [W9]The stuture of this easy is wrong. You must dicuss both negative and benefit on the topic. Instead only dicuss one direction that you agree. It is totally not enough. You will fail on basic criteria  

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (222 điểm)
Hello D.Luffy,

because I want to complete my essay and it have to better my old essay.

Thank for your help!

FOR SURE this easy obviously is better than your first easy but it is not enough 

I also have struture for body 1 and 2, if you would like practice to be perfect, please try to rewrite it again :))

Body 1:

Topic sentence: heavy tax is  seen as positive: On the one hand, government decide to impose higher tax on fast food which bring some certain benefits.

Explain why: change behaviour of citizen.

Explain why: decreases the growth rate of fast food chains in city.

Result: decrease kind of diseases, citizen would take care themselves better when they cook meal by themselves

 Body 2:

Topic sentence: heavy tax is seen as negative: On the other hand, authority enforce heavy tax which affect negatively residents of cities.

Explain why: Inconvenience for citizen…………

Exlain why:  Interfere the growth of economy, in food field……………

Result:

 

0 phiếu

Fast food is becoming popular in today’s era. However, it is not beneficial for people’s health [w1] . I strong believe the number of health risk; it is related to high fast food consumption [w2]. I totally agree that government should increase a tax on junk food. [w3]

I strong believe that imposing a tax for this kind of food and this can reduce the number of health problems of humankind [w4]. Firstly, fast food chain has the most calories, this leads to obese or heart problem [w5]. For example, in 2004, it is estimated that nine million between the ages of 6-18 are obese [w6]. This includes overweight adults, and obese adults [w7].

Secondly, fast food leads to a lot of health problem [w8]. Therefore, government impose heavy tax on this kind of food which have a few benefits [w9]. The cost tax can be used as a tool to raise awareness of the harmful effects of junk food. For example, Officials in India’s southern state of Kerala have placed a tax on fast food, at 14.5 percent at restaurants such as McDonald’s, Pizza Hut and Burger Ki [w10]. Moreover, in some countries are not imposing a tax for fast food restaurant, however, they impose a higher tax for fat or sugar because the condition of being grossly fat and the problem of obesity among children when they eat fast food and drink soda too much. [w11]

In conclusion, fast food help people save their time when they are a bit hectic. [w12] However, I would agree that governments should be imposing a hefty tax for fast food because when people have a high consumption of junk and unhealthy food, it causes some diseases like obesity and cardiovascular disease [w13].

[w1] lỗi ngữ pháp today’s era à today’s area

[w2]viết lại câu: I strong believe the number of health risk; it is related to high fast food consumption à I strong believe health risks are related to high fast food consumption

[w3] paraphrase governmentà authority/ministry

Bỏ mạo từ ‘a’ trong câu increase a tax on junk food

[w4] - lặp từ ‘I strong believe”

  • Thêm dấu phẩy trước and : I strong believe that imposing a tax for this kind of food, and this can reduce the number of health problems of humankind
  •  Tax “on” chứ không phải là tax for

[w5] problem thêm s à problems / issues

[w6]

[w7]

[w8] fast food leads to a lot of health problem àeating too much fast food can leads to a lot of health problem

[w9] paraphrase “this kind of food” à convenient food

  • which have a few benefits: Tránh viết câu tuyệt đối

[w10] The cost tax là không đúng mà là việc tăng thuế lên fast food àboosting tax can…..

[w11] thêm dấu phẩy trước chữ when

[w12]

[w13] should be imposing àshould impose

Thừa disease cuối câu

 

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