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Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

 

Over the past few decades, controlling noise has become a controversial issue in our society. While one school of thought holds that they are free to make noise without restrictions; I come from the school of thought which believes that it could be better to have a law against it.

On the one hand, people enjoy making noise for various reasons. Firstly, they will feel more comfortable and free if they can make noise when working or entertaining. For example, although it can be a nuisance to the neighbors; listening to music with louder volume can bring them relaxation after a long working day. Secondly, nobody can deny that noise has become a part of modernization and industrialization. Moreover, traffic noise seems to be familiar to urban citizens. Hence, they feel that there is no particular reason to control noise.

On the other hand, I reckon that there is more beneficial if authority pass a law to control noise. The first reason is that noise affects negatively to people’s health. By ways of illustration, some of my friend cannot sleep at night due to intrusive sounds from a nearby industrial zone. If this situation happens in a long term, it will lead to some harmful influences for both physical and mental health. In addition, job productive might decrease because of noise. White-collar workers often complain that they could not focus on their job since noise from vehicles.

In conclusion, I believe that we should control noise in order to have a better life whereas others might think that they can make noise freely as they like.

 

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Over the past few decades, controlling noise has become a controversial issue in our society. While one school of thought holds that they are free to make noise without restrictions; I come from the school of thought which believes that it could be better to have a law against it.( nghe hơi lạ nên sửa lại)

On the one hand, people enjoy making noise for various reasons -There are several  reasons why people enjoy making noise . Firstly, they will feel more comfortable and free if they can make noise when working or entertaining. For example, although it can be a nuisance to the neighbors; listening to music with louder volume can bring them relaxation after a long working day. Secondly, nobody can deny that noise has become a part of modernization and industrialization (giải thích nó ra không nên nói chung chung ). Moreover, traffic noise seems to be familiar to urban citizens ( explain vs lại quá ngắn. Hence, they feel that there is no particular reason to control noise.

On the other hand, I reckon that there is more beneficial if authority pass a law to control noise. The first reason is that noise affects negatively to people’s health. By ways of illustration (or to give an illustration, some of my friend cannot sleep at night due to intrusive sounds from a nearby industrial zone. If this situation happens in a long term, it will lead to some harmful influences for both physical and mental health. In addition, job productive might decrease because of noise. White-collar workers often complain that they could not focus on their job since noise from vehicles.

In conclusion, I believe that we should control noise in order to have a better life whereas others might think that they can make noise freely as they like.

Bài văn cũng có ý nhưng cách diễn đạt có vấn đề, viết khá lủng củng cần cố gắng trau chuốt câu từ và cấu trúc nhiều hơn, chỉ nên viết mỗi đoạn 2 luận điểm explain và có example rõ ràng. 4/10đ ^O^ cố lên 

 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (26 điểm)
Mình cảm ơn nhiều ạ :) Góp ý của  bạn rất hữu ích
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Over the past few decades[W1] , controlling noise has become a controversial issue in our society[W2] . While one school of thought holds that they are free to make noise without restrictions; I come from the school of thought which believes that it could be better to have a law against it[W3] .

On the one hand[W4] , people enjoy making noise for various reasons. Firstly, they will feel more comfortable and free if they can make noise when working or entertaining[W5] . For example, although it can be a nuisance to the neighbors; listening to music with louder volume can bring them relaxation after a long working day[W6] . Secondly, nobody can deny that noise has become a part of modernization and industrialization. Moreover, traffic noise seems to be familiar to urban citizens. Hence, they feel that there is no particular reason to control noise[W7] .

On the other hand, I reckon that there is more beneficial if authority pass a law to control noise[W8] . The first reason is that noise affects negatively to people’s health. By ways of illustration, some of my friend cannot sleep at night due to intrusive sounds from a nearby industrial zone. If this situation happens in a long term, it will lead to some harmful influences for both physical and mental health. In addition, job productive might decrease because of noise. White-collar workers often complain that they could not focus on their job since noise from vehicles.

In conclusion, I believe that we should control noise in order to have a better life whereas others might think that they can make noise freely as they like.

 


 [W1]Expression suggestion: We are discuss on noise issue for now. Its content is not appropriate.

Refer:

 [W2]Grammar error:

S+ have/has + V –ed or: has became

But the issue is from past to now, it still exist hence must use ‘ present perfect continuous’

 [W3]Refer: Noise pollution has been happening in our community every day. Some people believe that they be free on the air space. Others think diffirently that should be strict  law to limit noise and I strongly support this idea for civilized community.

 [W4]It is very good structure for writing task 2.

 [W5]Expression and grammar error:

You must use simple present: they feel ………..

Refer: people usually play music or use their voice loundly in company, apartment and  public areas. It is too easy to follow naturely their emotion

 [W6]Expression suggestion:

You should make example to be clearer.

Refer: Someone live in apartment and play music loudly which affect badly to their neighbors.

 [W7]Expression error:

‘ Nobody can deny….and industrialization’. It is not clear and not right in all cases. After every theory, you should make example to explain to reader.

‘Moreover, traffic noise….. control noise’, it is logical but it is not persuaded and your sentences is too poor.

 [W8]Expression suggestion:

‘Pass a law…..’ It is not appropriate, b/c in question statement, have no specific law is mention.

Refer: I reckon that there are some benefits from controlling noise pollution in our community.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (132 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)
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