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Nowadays, childen at an early age have to distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. Since this distinction recognise quite difficult to children, sometime adults have to use punishment to help them.

To begin with, the fact that when children begin aware, they often easily imitate what they see around them from society. These behaviours could be right or wrong. If children expose to negative issue, they will gradually create harmful habits. Moreover, today, the internet is developing more and more, this means children are affected by the several programme on the internet, such as violent film or social networks. This, in turn, leads to children have to face with a danger of personality. Since there exists a fine line between children's awareness from harmless behaviour and harmful behaviours, many parenthoods and teachers use punishments to children to help them avoid negative acts in life.

On the other hand, applying punishments to children also have advantage and disadvantage from various aspects of it. There are two types of punishments, including positive punishment and negative punishment. Negative punishment which is to use tools to hit them will leave the physical and mental damage for them. According to scientific evidence, this action could make children afraid, but gradually their personality becomes irritable and angry with relatives as well as their friends. Moreover, due to negative punishment, children may reduce the ability of awareness and affect to healthy. In contrast, positive punishment which use the speech or the lessons to children will bring the effective results. For example, a child is not do homework, parents punish it by requiring an extra hour per day for learning. Sure, by applying positive discipline for bringing up children, they will aware best things in society.

In conclusion, applying punishment to children is the effective way to them distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. However, parents and teachers should have chosen positive methods to punish children.

Nowadays, childen at an early age have to distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. Since this distinction recognise quite difficult to children, sometime adults have to use punishment to help them.

To begin with, the fact that when children begin aware, they often easily imitate what they see around them from society. These behaviours could be right or wrong. If children expose to negative issue, they will gradually create harmful habits. Moreover, today, the internet is developing more and more, this means children are affected by the several programme on the internet, such as violent film or social networks. This, in turn, leads to children have to face with a danger of personality. Since there exists a fine line between children's awareness from harmless behaviour and harmful behaviours, many parenthoods and teachers use punishments to children to help them avoid negative acts in life.

On the other hand, applying punishments to children also have advantage and disadvantage from various aspects of it. There are two types of punishments, including positive punishment and negative punishment. Negative punishment which is to use tools to hit them will leave the physical and mental damage for them. According to scientific evidence, this action could make children afraid, but gradually their personality becomes irritable and angry with relatives as well as their friends. Moreover, due to negative punishment, children may reduce the ability of awareness and affect to healthy. In contrast, positive punishment which use the speech or the lessons to children will bring the effective results. For example, a child is not do homework, parents punish it by requiring an extra hour per day for learning. Sure, by applying positive discipline for bringing up children, they will aware best things in society.

In conclusion, applying punishment to children is the effective way to them distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. However, parents and teachers should have chosen positive methods to punish children.
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[W2] 
To begin with, the fact that when children begin aware, they often easily imitate what they see around them from society.[W3]  These behaviours could be right or wrong. If children expose to negative issue, they will gradually create harmful habits. Moreover, today, the internet is developing more and more, this means children are affected by the several programme [W4] on the internet, such as violent film or social networks. This, in turn, leads to children have to face with a danger of personality. Since there exists a fine line between children's awareness from harmless behaviour and harmful behaviours, many parenthoods[W5]  and teachers use punishments to children to help them avoid negative acts in life.

[W6] On the other hand[W7] , applying punishments to children also have advantage and disadvantage from various aspects of it. There are two types of punishments[W8] , including positive punishment and negative punishment. Negative punishment which is to use tools to hit them will leave the physical and mental damage for them. According to scientific evidence, this action could make children afraid, but gradually their personality becomes irritable and angry with relatives as well as their friends. Moreover, due to negative punishment, children may reduce the ability of awareness and affect to healthy. In contrast, positive punishment which use the speech or the lessons to children will bring the effective results.[W9]  For example, a child is not do homework, parents punish it[W10]  by requiring an extra hour per day for learning. Sure, by applying positive discipline for bringing up children, they will aware best things in society.[W11] 

In conclusion, applying punishment to children is the effective way to them distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. However, parents and teachers should have chosen positive methods to punish children.


 [W1]Grammar error:

Recognise: (v) therefore ‘ this distinction recognise’ could not be a subject.

Correct:  this distinctive recognition is quite difficult.

 [W2]This paragraph is quite good, but you forgot about to express clearly  YOUR opinion.

Correct: I agree or not disagree; I believe that etc

 [W3]Expression suggestion: It is not clear in meaning, a little bit unappropriate. B/c As a children always intimate around whether they are aware or not

 [W4]Grammar error: several programmes, lack of S letter

 [W5]Vocabulary error: parenthood is state of relationship.

Correct: Parents and teachers

 [W6]Actually you failed to express ideas at this paragraph.

Question statement is that ‘ Punishment is necessary to help children’ you shoud analyze positive or negative incomes about apply pushnishment to support your opinion.

I would like to suggest the structure:

Topic sentence:  the fact, pushnishment is applying by adults

Explain why: Consequence of punishment in short time and example

Explain  why: Consequence of punishment in long time and example.

 [W7]Expression suggestion:  you should apply consistenly the structure: ‘on the one hand and on the other hand’

 [W8]Vocabulary error: It seem to not understand well about the word ‘ Punishment ’ according to OXFORD: an act or a way to punishing somebody to inflict/impose/mete

you dishtinguish positive and nagative punishments, it is too weird to me.­

 [W9]Expression error: When adult try to make sense their children it is not punishment

 [W10]Vocabulary error:  it => them

 [W11]Actually you failed to express ideas at this paragraph too.

 

IF YOU TRY TO WRITE IT AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO FOLLOW AND CONTINUE TO CORRECT THIS EASSY

 

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To begin with, the fact that when children begin aware, they often easily imitate what they see around them from society. These behaviours could be right or wrong. If children expose to negative issue, they will gradually create harmful habits. Moreover, today, the internet is developing more and more, this means children are affected by the several programmeS on the internet, such as violent filmS or social networks. This, in turn, leads to children have to face with a danger of personality degradation. Since there exists a fine line between children's awareness from harmless behaviour and harmful behaviours, many parenthoods and teachers use punishments to children to help them avoid negative acts in life.

On the other hand, applying punishments to children also have advantage and disadvantage from various aspects of it. There are two types of punishments, including positive punishment and negative punishment. Negative punishment which is to use tools to hit them will leave the physical and mental damage for them. According to scientific evidence, this action could make children afraid=>> frighten children, but and gradually their personality becomes =>> they become irritable and angry with relatives as well as just as  their friends. Moreover, due to negative punishment, children may reduce the ability of awareness and affect to healthy. In contrast, positive punishment which use the speech or the lessons to children will bring the effective results. For example, a child is not do homework, parents punish it by requiring an extra hour per day for learning. Sure, by applying positive discipline for bringing up children, they will aware best things in society.

In conclusion, applying punishment to children is the effective way to them distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. However, parents and teachers should have chosen positive methods to punish children. =

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[Introduction] Nowadays, childen (1) at an early age have to distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours (2). Since this distinction recognise quite difficult (3) to children, sometime (4) adults have to use punishment to help them. (5)

(1)chính tả --> children

(2)lặp --> between positive and negative behaviours

(3)thiếu động từ chính --> this distinction is quite difficult for children to recognise

(4)chính tả --> sometimes

(5)Chưa có thesis sentence, người đọc không rõ bạn Agree/Disagree

 

[Body 1] To begin with, the fact that when children begin aware (8), they often easily imitate what they see around them from society (9). These behaviours could be right or wrong. If children expose to negative issue (10), they will gradually create harmful habits. Moreover, today, the internet is developing more and more, this means children are affected (11) by the several programme (12) on the internet, such as violent film (13) or social networks. This, in turn, leads to children have to face with a danger of personality (14). Since there exists a fine line between children's awareness from (15) harmless behaviour (16) and harmful behaviours, many parenthoods (17) and teachers use punishments to children to help them avoid negative acts in life.

(8)dùng từ và diễn đạt --> when children become aware of the world

(9)diễn đạt --> what they see in the society around them

(10)ngữ pháp --> are exposed to negative issues

(11)diễn đạt --> might be affected

(12)ngữ pháp --> programmes

(13)ngữ pháp --> films

(14)ngữ pháp và diễn đạt --> leads to the fact that children have to face a lot of dangers which might affect their personalities

(15)ngữ pháp --> of

(16)ngữ pháp --> behaviours

(17)dùng từ --> parents


[Body 2] On the other hand, applying punishments to children also have advantage and disadvantage (18) from various aspects of it. There are two types of punishments, including positive punishment and negative punishment. Negative punishment which is to use tools to hit them will leave the physical and mental damage for them (19). According to scientific evidence, this action could make children afraid, but gradually their personality becomes (20) irritable and angry (21) with relatives as well as their friends. Moreover, due to negative punishment, children may reduce the ability of awareness and affect to healthy (22). In contrast, positive punishment which use the speech or the lessons to children (23) will bring the effective results. For example, a child is not do homework, parents punish it by requiring an extra hour per day for learning (24). Sure, by By applying positive discipline for (25) bringing up children, they will aware best (26) things in society.

(18)ngữ pháp --> advantages and disadvantages

(19)ngữ pháp và diễn đạt --> Negative punishment in which an object is used to hit children will leave  them with both physical and mental damages

(20)diễn đạt --> but their personality gradually becomes

(21)ngữ pháp --> might get angry at their relatives as well as their friends

(22)ngữ pháp và diễn đạt --> may reduce their perceptive ability, which may negatively affect their health

(23)ngữ pháp và diễn đạt --> positive punishmen in which speech or moral lessons are used might  result in effective results

(24)ngữ pháp và diễn đạt --> parents could punish a child who do not do his homework by requiring him to spend an extra hour per day on learning

(25)ngữ pháp --> in

(26)ngữ pháp và diễn đạt --> will become aware of good and bad things in society

 

[Conclusion] In conclusion, applying punishment to children is the effective way to them (27) distinguish between positive behaviours and negative behaviours. However, parents and teachers should have chosen (28) positive methods to punish children.

(27)ngữ pháp --> to teach them distinguish

(28)ngữ pháp --> should choose

 

Dạy IELTS Đà Nẵng: anhvanmschau.wordpress.com

 

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