ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.3k Bài viết

3.2k Góp ý

2k bình luận

20.5k thành viên

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/?qa=blob&qa_blobid=6913821314208220618

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of teachers following gender in 6 types of educational institutions in the UK in 2010.

Overrall, the percentage of female teachers was higher than male in Nursery School and Primary School while the figure for those who taught in Secondary School and upper education level gradual declined. Therefore, woman was by far the most common in lower level of education where taught for children.

Woman dominated the teaching proffession in Nursery School and Primary School above 95% and 90%. At Secondary and upper Secondary level this pattern was less pronounced, where there were nearly equal proportions of male and female teachers.

On the other hand, man outnumbered woman at teaching in high-level education. For example, in the university, the percentage of male teachers was twice that for female teachers.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Comparison bởi (12 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

4 góp ý

0 phiếu

Hello bạn, mình cũng tự học đây! 

Overrall > viết sai, bạn tự tra lại nhé

the percentage of female teachers was higher than male >>. mình chỉ cho bạn sau chữ male nên có 1 danh từ thay cho teachers để tránh bị lặp nhé > the percentage of female teachers was higher than male counterparts. 

gradual declined > gradually declined ( Trạng từ + Verb )

woman was by far the most common > không ai diễn đạt thế này đâu mà nên là it can be seen that almost women chose to teach.....

khi viết task 1 không nên dùng for example nhé. Nên to be more specific

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (16 điểm)
0 phiếu

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of teachers following gender in 6 types of educational institutions in the UK in 2010.

Overrall, the percentage of female teachers was higher than male in Nursery School and Primary School while the figure for those who taught in Secondary School and upper education level gradual declined. Therefore, woman was by far the most common in lower level of education where taught for children.=>> this sentence makes no sense

overall

 

Woman dominated the teaching proffession =>> teaching profession in Nursery School and Primary School at above 95% and 90%. At Secondary and upper Secondary level this pattern was less pronounced, whereas there were nearly equal proportions of male and female teachers.

On the other hand, man outnumbered woman at teaching in high-level education. For example, in the university, the percentage of male teachers was twice that for female teachers.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (44 điểm)
0 phiếu

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of teachers following gender in 6 types of educational institutions in the UK in 2010.

Overrall, the percentage of female teachers was higher than male in Nursery School and Primary School[W1]  while the figure for those who taught [W2] in Secondary School and upper education level gradual declined[W3] . Therefore, woman was by far the most common in lower level of education where taught for children.[W4]

Woman dominated the teaching proffession in Nursery School and Primary School above 95% and 90%. At Secondary and upper Secondary level this pattern was less pronounced, where there were nearly equal proportions of male and female teachers.[W5]

On the other hand, man outnumbered woman at teaching in high-level education. For example, in the university, the percentage of male teachers was twice that for female teachers.

 


I suggest that you attempt to rewrite on this topic basing on what I corrected, It would help to improve your skill fastly

 [W1]Expression error: Why do not mention ‘ Secondary school ’

 [W2]Expression error:

FIGURE + N ( SINGAL NOUN OR COMPOUND NOUN)

Figure for those people who teach

Taught (v) could you explain why use this verb in past present.

 [W3]Grammar error:

Gradually declined

 [W4]Grammar error:

Woman Women was were taught teach

Could you explain for me how to use ‘ why ’ as linking word ?

 [W5] I would like to recommend sturure for you insteady correcting single errors.

Body 1: Show up the figures for Nursery/Pre-school, Primary and Secondary school.

Body 2: Show up the figures for the rest of schools

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (222 điểm)
0 phiếu
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of teachers following gender in 6 types of educational institutions in the UK in 2010 [1].

Overrall, the percentage of female teachers was higher than male in Nursery School and Primary School while the figure for those who taught in Secondary School and upper education level gradual declined[2]. Therefore, woman was by far the most common in lower level of education where taught for children[3].

Woman dominated the teaching proffession in Nursery School and Primary School above 95% and 90%[4]. At Secondary and upper Secondary level this pattern was less pronounced, where there were nearly equal proportions of male and female teachers[5].

On the other hand, man outnumbered woman at teaching in high-level education[6]. For example, in the university, the percentage of male teachers was twice that for female teachers[7].

 

[2] trình độ học vấn cao hơn: upper education level à higher education /high-level education/

-  Thiếu động từ + dùng không đúng decline:

the figure for those who taught in Secondary School and upper education level gradual declined à the figure for those who taught in Secondary School and higher education declined gradually.

 [4] sai chính tả: profession
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (24 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

...