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Nowadays, living abroad becomes one of the most popular trends for most people in every country over the world. This situation may seem like a fabulous opportunity but there are also many potiental downsides.

Of course, the benefits of studying or working abroad can not be denied. One thing that is of great significance is people can learn another language and immersing themselves in a place where residents speak another tongue is the good way to improve communication skill more fluently. Even if this language is not on study course, it may well come in useful later when they are seeking employment or in their personal life. They may have better study opportunities abroad than they do at home. Moreover, mentioning that they have studied abroad can look very potiental to employers when it comes to apply for jobs. The fact that people have lived and studied abroad shows that they posses valuable workplace qualities such as independence initiative or resilienceand they can be always adaptable if the circumstance demands it and not afraid of any challenge.

In spite of its advantages, some difficulties still remain. Firstly, they may experience cultural shock. Even if they have researched it extensively and think they know clearly the country, they will find lots of things are very different when they actually live there such as social and psychological differences in how people relate to each other and behave reasonably. Futhermore, they may feel alone and without any emotional support from their relatives and friends that they might normally take for granted back in home country. Making and developing friendships takes much time and it can be more difficult in a culture which they are not used to. Besides, it is likely to increase the costs associated with the tuition fee and expense of everyday living. Financial pressures can undermine their overall enjoyment of an experience if they are not careful.

In conclusion, I believe the advantages derived from stirring abroad far outweight than disadvantages if there are a careful preparation. People also more concern about mental and social issues before leaving their hometown to prevent from negative aspects.
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Thứ nhất, về lỗi chính tả, theo quan điểm của mình bạn có các lỗi sau:

  1. becomes=> is becoming
  2. immersing=> immerse
  3. posses=> possess
  4. shock=>shocks

Thứ hai, về lỗi grammar & structure:

  1. and they can be always adaptable if the circumstance demands it and not afraid of any challenge.( Câu này bạn viết hơi lủng củng), mình nghĩ có thể sửa thành: and they can always be adaptable to any circumstance and willing to put themselves in challenges.)
  2. They will find lots of things are very different when they actually live there such as social and psychological differences in how people relate to each other and behave reasonably.(  cấu trúc find st +adj , và bạn nên dùng many thay cho lots of vì ielts sẽ chuộng từ many hơn, bạn nên thay such as bằng for example vì đây có một ví dụ, such as là dùng cho hai cái trở lên.=> they will find many things different when they actually live there, for example, social and ....)

Còn nhìn chung bài viết của bạn rất ổn, hai ý lớn rõ ràng, sử dụng được nhiều từ academic words.

 

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