ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.2k Bài viết

3.1k Góp ý

2k bình luận

13.7k thành viên

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in the fitness of the act from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN.

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010. The number of males increased steadily between 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.

In 1985, the amount of members man has about 2200, in contrast with the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female, about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next, the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members.

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

(153 word)

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Trend (line) bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

4 góp ý

0 phiếu

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in the fitness of the act from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN. --> the bar chart compares the number of ... illustrates is ok, but compares is better

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010 (only male). The number of males increased steadily between 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.

In 1985, the amount of members man has about 2200, in contrast [you can also use however instead of in contrast] with the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female, about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next, the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members.

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate [at] 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (19 điểm)
Thank you very so much
0 phiếu

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in the fitness of the act from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN.

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010. The number of   the figure for  males increased steadily  fluctuate steadilybetween 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.

In 1985, the amount of members man has man member was about 2200, in contrast with while the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group groups grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female, about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next, the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members.

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups  both women and men increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles doubled the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (24 điểm)
Thank you very so much
0 phiếu

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010.=>. only male

members man has about 2200, in contrast with the women only was  1300 members=>> there were about 2200 male members and only 1300 female ones

 the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.=>> both groups .. to 295- and 5000 people respectively. .. women outnumbered men by two to one ..

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (44 điểm)
Thank you very so much
0 phiếu

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in[W1]  the fitness of the act[W2]  from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN[W3] .

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male[W4]  and female was highest in 2010. The number of males increased steadily between 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.[W5]

In 1985, the amount of members man[W6]  has[W7]  about 2200, in contrast with the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female[W8] , about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next[W9] , the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members[W10] .

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.


 [W1]Expression error: It lack of relative clauses.

You mus add ‘who’ between people and take part in

 [W2]Expression error: It is too strange.

Refer: Fitness program

 [W3]Vocabulary error: Thailand

 [W4]Expression suggestion:  We have specific number on the graph,  therefor use number or figure

 [W5]Expression suggestion:

Overall, the figures of man and women fluctuated over the period of time. The membership number was highest in only 2010.

 [W6]Expression error: We have specific number on the graph,  therefor use number or figure

Refer: The figure/number of man

 [W7]Grammar error: we use simple past present, has => had

 [W8]Expression error: the amount => the figure; male and female => must add ‘S’

Refer: the number of males was approximately double female members

 [W9]Gramar error: In the last ten years next => you must review this error by yourself

 [W10]Expression suggestion:

Body 1: Decrible only man

1985 – 2000

2000 – 2015

Body 2 Describle only woman

1985 – 2000

2000 – 2015

You should attempt to rewrite on this topic, I would like to recorrect your easy again J

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (132 điểm)
Thank you very so much
Would you intend to rewrite on this topic :)))

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

1 góp ý
...