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 It is true to say that" new technologies are more and more important in our life". Beside the benefits, the technologies have many drawbacks.

 On the one hand, technological equipment such as computer or mobile phone help children to open up a new world which have a new knowledge. They can improve the knowledge about new country, new culture, and so on without going there. They just need at home, surf the internet and learn about it. Besides it, technologies is the best way to bulding up relationship with each other. On the internet,there are many social networks which help people make friend and develop relationship.

On the other hand, modern equipment can lead to number of disadvantages for the children. Firstly, parent can not control the information which is the children used. There are many movies on the Internet that too violet and the parents can not control. Secontly, The incidence of childhood obesity is higher than in the past. Children do not want to go outdoor activities but they playing game at home.

To sumup, i believe that the merits of high-tech devices can overcome the downsides if we apply technology wisely.

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It is true to say that" new technologies are more and more important in our life". Beside the benefits, the technologies have many drawbacks.[W2]

On the one hand,[W3]  technological equipment such as computer or mobile phone[W4]  help children to open up a new world which have a new knowledge. They can improve[W5]  the knowledge about new country, new culture, and so on without[W6]  going there. They just need at home[W7] , surf the internet and learn about it[W8] . Besides it, technologies is the best way to bulding up[W9]  relationship with each other[W10] . On the internet,there are many social networks which help people make friend and develop relationship.[W11]

On the other hand, modern equipment[W12]  can lead to number of disadvantages for the children. Firstly, parent can not control the information which is [W13] the children used. There are many movies on the Internet that too violet[W14]  and the parents can not control. Secontly, The incidence of childhood obesity is higher than in the past.[W15]  Children do not want to go outdoor activities but they playing game at home.[W16]

To sumup, i believe that the merits of high-tech devices can overcome the downsides if we apply technology wisely.


 [W1]IF YOU ARE SERIOUS TO NEED  A HELP FROM  COMMUNITY PLEASE DO IT SERIOUSLY BY ADDING FULL QUESTION STATEMENT

 [W2]Expression suggestion: please next time add full question statement in order I would be able to give detail comment.

ERROR: OUR LIVE (not life) and it is too general compare with children.

 [W3]Comment: you did it well, this structure is good with every question statement., keep use it. But after these words, you should write TOPIC  SENTENCE instead write direcly to the idea.

 [W4]Expression suggestion: Mobile phone is general, for instance: nokia 1200  is called mobile phone J)

 [W5]Expression suggestion: ‘improve’ is not suitable, you could check it out in dictionary. Corrected study or learn is more suitble in this context.

 [W6]Grammar errors: 3 words is preposition, I can not stand together.

 [W7]Grammar error: need to stay at home. You should check it carefully in dictionary

 [W8]Expression suggestion: you should write specific subject instead ‘ It’. Ex: learn about thing that they are interested

 [W9]Grammar error: to build up. You can check how to link 2 verb in the sentence.

 [W10]Expression error: In sentence when we mention about specific subject that we can use each other. In this sentence , it is not suitable, just eliminate it .

 [W11]Comment: this paragraph you failed to express ideas, all sentence is not linked and support each other.

 [W12]Grammar error: need to add ‘S’ Equitments

 [W13]Grammar error: You can check how to use ‘which ‘ to avoild this error next time

 [W14]Spelling error: you just check it out and correc it by yourself

 [W15]Expression suggestion: this idea is not suitable, b/c the result of obesity is they way people use it and it is very few cases. If you still want to use it, just try to write it clearer.

 [W16]COMMENT: you need to practice a lot to improve the skill.

1 you do not know how to arrange idea to write in this paragraph.

Recommend to access to http://ielts-simon.com to read an analyze EASY SAMPLE

 

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