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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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In this day and age, the realm of salary level is indispensible for job seekers. While some people select career just because of enormous money, I believe that others choose for another important factors.

On the one hand, there are some main reasons why people should decide to choose a high-paying job. First and foremost, a high wave level make their life prosperous. It extremely demands for their needs such as: house, smart phone, food, even their ambitions like magnificent building, luxurious clothes, modern mechines. Besides, salary may motivate staff and make them happy when working. For instance, if an employee attempts to work hard and finally get tremendous success in  her task,  she can reach the top position. As a result,  she may be rewared higher salary level by employers.

On the other hand, apart from the salary, job seekers consider a job for different reasons. Firstly, a career  is selected which depends on people’s interest. When they love that job, they may choose it no matter how low wave level is. Secondly, contributiing to the community is another reason. There are many charitable organizations. A large number of people work in there in order to help disadvataged people and orphans have a better life. They organize outdoor activities, care and appeal other people to support for people who have poor condition without money.

To sum up, it is uncontroversial that money can be the most important factor for people who select prospective employment but this is by no means the key consideration for everybody.
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In this day and age, the realm of salary level is indispensible[W1]  for job seekers. While some people select career just because of enormous money[W2] , I believe that others choose for another important factors.

[W3] 
On the one hand, there are some main reasons why people should decide to choose a high-paying job. First and foremost, a high wave level [W4] make their[W5]  life prosperous. It extremely demands for their[W6]  needs such as: house, smart phone, food, even their ambitions like magnificent building, luxurious clothes, modern mechines.[W7]  Besides, salary may motivate staff and make them happy when working. For instance, if an employee attempts to work hard and finally get tremendous success in  her task,  she can reach the top position. As a result,  she may be rewared higher salary level by employers.
[W8] 
On the other hand, apart from the salary, job seekers consider a job for different reasons. Firstly, a career [W9]  is selected which depends on people’s interest.[W10]  When they love that job, they may choose it no matter how low wave level is. Secondly, contributiing[W11]  to the community is another reason. There are many charitable organizations. A large number of people work in there in order[W12]  to help disadvataged people and orphans have a better life[W13] . They organize outdoor activities, care and appeal other people to support for people who have poor condition without money.
[W14] 
To sum up, it is uncontroversial that money can be the most important factor for people who select prospective employment but this is by no means the key consideration for everybody.

 [W1]Spelling error:  corrected indispensable

 [W2]Grammar error:  b/c money is uncountable noun,  corrected: enormous amount of money

 [W3]Expression error: what you mean here? It is not clear and make reader confused.

 [W4]Grammar and Expression errors: wave => wage, ‘ a high wage leve’ it is too strange to me, suggested =>  high wage works

 [W5]Grammar error: you use no subject but end of the sentence also use ‘their’, it is totally inappropriate

 [W6]Grammar error: you use no subject but end of the sentence also use ‘their’, it is totally inappropriate

 [W7]Grammar and Expression error: have a lot errors, you shoud try to write shorter sentences firstly. REFER TO:  People’s needs as basic as ……………..

 [W8]Grammar error: have a lot grammar errors, you must review and correct it by yourself.

Expression error: This idea is totally inapproriate. Money is originally tool for leaders use to motivate or reward staff.

 [W9]Expression suggestion: job and career are distinct. Recommend you check it out on dictionary

 [W10]Expression suggestion: this idea or content is inapproriate with the question statement.  you must review and correct it by yourself.

 [W11]Spelling grammar: corrected contributing

 [W12]Grammar error: preposition do not stand together

 [W13]Grammar error: life is singular noun, corrected => lives

 [W14] This paragraph totally failed in term of content and grammar. Recommend you need to read easy sample IELTS to enhance the skill.  

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (96 điểm)
thanks a lot. I will try my best to write essay better
I THINK "in order to" , "the better life" is true

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