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It is true that there is an increasing number of people pursuing at least a Bachelor degree. However, whether the aim of university education should be to provide student job-related skill or pure knowledge to graduate has long been a heated debate. In my view, I believe the university purpose shall be more utilitarian in which student can receive skills adapted with employer’s need.

 First, the fact that the vast majority will enter the workplace after graduation, and wish for being able to get a job,  earning their living and paying their own bill. Therefore, as a service provider, universities are expected to develop their programs focusing on practical knowledge customized for current and even future job market. A university who can create stable job opportunities for their graduated students, is guaranteed to have a better reputation, and possibly receive strong financial support from their own alumnus. Inevitably, many more new talents would wish to be their student, and from a part of the student’s fee, university can reinvest in in-depth research for pure science projects.

Secondly, it would be a waste of society resource if students have to pay for advance education and then again companies need to spend time and money to retraining their employees on practical skills which can easily be designed to deliver in the university environment. Thus, to be cost-effective, employers prefer candidates who already have attained strong practical skills, and have various job-related experiences. Moreover, by getting a job, and having a good income, graduates are enable to liquidate their student’s debt. Hence, from government perspective, less student’s loan debt means rising consumer demand, along with economic growth. Moreover, less unemployed population equal to less crime.

In conclusion, a curriculum which offers both pure and applied knowledge benefit not only students, employers but our society and furthermore our humankind.  Applied knowledge may benefit you directly and immediately but pure knowledge benefits you indirectly in the long run.
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It is true that there is an increasing number of people pursuing at least a Bachelor degree. [W1] However, whether the aim of university education should be to provide [W2] student job-related skill or pure knowledge to graduate has long been a heated debate. [W3] In my view, I believe the university purpose shall be more utilitarian in which student can receive skills adapted with employer’s need.

[W4] 
First, the fact[W5]  that the vast majority[W6]  will enter the workplace after graduation, and wish for being able to get a job,  earning their living and paying their own bill.[W7]  Therefore, as a service provider, universities are expected to develop their programs focusing on practical knowledge customized for current and even future job market.[W8]  A university who can create stable job opportunities for their graduated students, is guaranteed to have a better reputation, and possibly receive strong financial support from their own alumnus.[W9]  Inevitably, many more new talents would wish to be their student, and from a part of the student’s fee, university can reinvest in in-depth research for pure science projects.[W10]

This paragraph does not present well, recommend one of easy model in task 2:

1 Topic sentence, 2 Idea, 3 Expain, 4 Example
Secondly, it would be a waste of society resource if students have to pay for advance education and then again companies need to spend time and money to retraining their employees on practical skills which can easily be designed to deliver in the university environment[W11] . Thus, to be cost-effective, employers prefer candidates who already have attained strong practical skills, and have various job-related experiences.[W12]  Moreover, by getting a job, and having a good income, graduates are enable to liquidate their student’s debt. Hence, from government perspective, less student’s loan debt means rising consumer demand, along with economic growth. Moreover, less unemployed population equal to less crime.[W13]

This paragraph does not present well too, recommend one of easy model in task 2:

1 Topic sentence, 2 firstly, 3 secondly , 4 Finally

In conclusion, a curriculum which[W14]  offers both pure and applied knowledge benefit not only students[W15] , employers but our society and furthermore our humankind.[W16]   Applied knowledge may benefit you directly and immediately but pure knowledge benefits you indirectly in the long run.[W17]

 


 [W1] Expression suggestion: long sentence usually lead to error grammar, add “ which or that behind  word “ of people” . Y should read the sentence again, it does not support  for next sentence

 [W2]Expression suggestion:  

It is very weird to me, =>:  “Should provide”

 [W3]Expression suggestion: ong sentence usually lead to error grammar.

Suggest: People’s opinions differ as to whether colleges education provide job-related skill or pure knowledge.

 [W4]Expression suggestion and grammar error: do not use “ the university” it is like to determine specific school.

Suggest: universities

This sentence is not clear, u express the opinion which is complicated to understand

 [W5]Grammar error: should rewrite “ firstly, fact that … “ we use the stand before noun in case reader determine what is noun.

 [W6]Grammar error: the vast majority of students

 [W7]Expression suggestion: you mention the fact, reality due to “ wish for being able……..”  is not appropriate.

And long sentence usually lead to error grammar

 [W8]Expression suggestion and grammar error:

 long sentence usually lead to error grammar

 Recommemd: Focusing => rewrite “ focus”, eliminate “customized”

 [W9]Expression suggestion: you should consider to use long sentence cause it  usually lead to error grammar

 [W10]Expression suggestion and grammar error.

you should consider to use long sentence cause it  usually lead to error grammar

Recommend: many potental individuals

 [W11]Expression suggestion:

You use a long sentence again.

A few error: “and then’’: two word never stand together.  “ society resource” correct to “social resource’’. “ which can easily .......environment” it does not relate to, please read it again and correct by yourself

 [W12]Expression suggestion: you mention the candidate who just graduate and find a first job. This sentence seem to be not appopriate. Please review by yourself

 [W13]Expression suggestion: these sentences have no link each other and do not support to previous sentences.

 [W14] Grammar error:  which stand in wrong position.

 [W15]Grammar error: use dot after word ‘knowledge’, add ‘ the benefit instead of benefit ‘

 [W16]Expression suggestion: humankind is very weird to me in this case.

 [W17]Expression suggestion:  all sentence is not clear in meaning and did link each other. You should review by yourself

 

 

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