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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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Essay topics: The line graph shows the income of four cafes in New York over last year.

 

The line graph indicates the revenue of four cafes in New York over the previous year, namely the tea room, internet express, wi-fi cafe, cafe cool.

 

Overall, there is a considerable fluctuation in income of both cafes over the period shown. However, the tea room witnessed a downward trend while the other three experienced the gradual growth in revenue.

 

It can be seen that the tea room’s revenue reached the highest at about $160.000 of four cafes in January. In the winter months, that figure dropped rapidly in vicinity of $50.000 in last month of the year.

 

By constract, the income of the other three received a climb by vary degrees. In the January-November period, the revenue of cafe cool not only stably went up but also achieved the highest in most months in comparison with that of cafe cool and wi-fi cafe. Nevertheless, the last of year, the income of wi-fi cafe rocketed to a peak of approximately $190.000, followed up were internet express and cafe cool at about $130.000 and $120.000

 

 

 
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The line graph indicates the revenue of four cafes in New York over the previous year, namely the tea room, internet express, wi-fi cafe, cafe cool.

[SC1]

Overall, there is a considerable fluctuation in income of both cafes over the period shown. However, the tea room witnessed a downward trend while the other three experienced the gradual growth in revenue[SC2] .

It can be seen that the tea room’s revenue reached the highest at about $160.000 of four cafes in January[SC3] . In the winter months[SC4] , that figure dropped rapidly in vicinity of $50.000 in last month of the year.

By constract[SC5] , the income of the other three [SC6] received a climb by vary degrees. In the January-November [SC7] period, the revenue of cafe cool not only stably went up but also achieved the highest in most months in comparison with that of cafe cool and wi-fi cafe[SC8] . Nevertheless, the last of year, the income of wi-fi cafe rocketed to a peak of approximately $190.000, followed up were internet express and cafe cool at about $130.000 and $120.000[SC9]

 


 [SC1]Expression suggestion: the chart depicts the revenue among 4 brand of coffee shop in New York, namely the tea room, internet express, Wi-fi Café, Café cool.

 [SC2]Expression suggestion:  It is clear, there is a significant fluctuation at every brand cafés in period twelve months. It witnessed The Tea Room dropped dramatically white remaining brand cafés including Internet Express, Wi-fi Café and Café Cool increased substantially at the end of year.

 [SC3]Expression suggestion: Need to be capital letter ‘The Tea Room’

=> The Tea Room stood at the highest point of revenue, at 160.000$

 [SC4]Expression suggestion: how you known it is in the winter months, remember in task 1 we do not assume anything

 [SC5]Spelling error:  => contrast

 [SC6]Grammar error: => the others, delete three

 [SC7]Expression suggestion: the time should from january to september ( noted do not use capital letter) (b/c from september to december 3 brand coffee shops which increased in revenue )

 [SC8]Expression suggestion: the sentence is long and complex for reader, you also made some mistake from data.

=> the revenue of three brand cafés fluctuated from january to september. The highest returns belonged Internet Express in january and Wi-fi in july Café at 100.000 $ corresponding. The income of remainder was roughly 51.000 $

 [SC9]Expression suggestion: the remaining period, 3 coffee shops rose significantly in returns, to peak of 190.000$ for Wi-fi Café, 140.000$ for Internet Express and 120.000 $ for Café Cool.

 

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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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