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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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Task 2

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe they should not go to school until they are older.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

 

Không biết với dạng bài này thì bố cục các đoạn của mình như vậy được chưa ạ?

Có lỗi gì xin mọi người góp ý nhé. Cảm ơn mọi người


 

Choosing the optimal learning environment for children from young ages is becoming an increasing concern of public interest. While some believe that small kids should attend traditional schools, others held the opinion that homeschooling are more appropriate for this group. This essay aims to examine both approaches and give recommendations on improving education of young children.

 

Going to school at early years of life is beneficial for the kids in a number of ways, but also possesses some downsides. First, children are exposed to interactions with friends through in-class and outdoors activities, which potentially develops their crucial social skills such as communication, teamwork and leadership. Moreover, class regulations could make the young boys and girls to be more disciplined, which they would otherwise neglect. For example, a 2-year-old girl could learn how to take off shoes by herself and arrange them nicely before going into the classroom. However, teacher attention is often divided among all children in a crowded class, hence one child could not have optimal care and necessary supports she might need. Besides, parents might get worried about the meal conditions which are not always customized for each kid.

 

On the other hand, advocate of homeschooling for young children could see the benefits of a fully customizable curriculum and nutrition plan designed by parents to foster the growth of their babies. In addition, since a family might have only one to a few kids, they could have the full attention of the home teachers and have their problems resolved immediately. However, the disadvantages of homeschooling come in when parents are not well equipped with knowledge of different subjects or not having enough time to cater for the education of the child. Another concern is the young people could be strongly influenced by a view of their sole educator and might get awkward in social contexts they would encounter at a later age.

 

In my opinion, the homeschooling is considerably better for children at the young ages, for the clear benefits would outweigh the disadvantages. To rule out the downsides, when deciding to teach the kids at home, parents should develop a plan on the subjects to teach and agree on a possible schedule. The kids could learn from their grandparents and visitors so that they can be more versatile when it comes to social contexts.

 

To conclude, going to traditional schools and homeschooling both offer advantages and things that could be improved. In my opinion, to bring the best favorable learning environment to develop a child, parents should consider devoting more time and effort into a effective homeschooling program.

 
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Going to school at early years of life is beneficial for the kids in a number of ways, but also possesses some downsides. First, children are exposed to interactions with friends through in-class and outdoors activities, which potentially develops their crucial social skills such as communication, teamwork and leadership.

-> Bạn đề cập đến downsides của vấn đề nhưng sau đó dẫn chứng lại là "develops their crucial social skills"

 
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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