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Mọi người giúp mình đánh giá bài viết này được mấy điểm với ạ. Cảm ơn mọi người.

Nowadays, in our modern life, stress has no longer been the word belonging to adults only, but also juvenile have to suffer from this. This report will take the causes and possible solutions of this dilemma into consider.

There are two main culprits of being stressful among teenagers. The very first reason stems from studying pressure. Every school year, students must cover a wide range of subjects from Math, Literature,… to Painting, and Music. They are hoped to achieve at least acceptable results in all areas, which is even a challenging task for adults. Therefore, they could frequently be poorly- performed in some subjects, and gain bad scores, provoking negative emotions such as unconfidence, shy and then stress. Besides studying tensions, unfamiliar environment also has a considerable influence on causing stressful among youth. Due to parents changing their jobs or residence, teenagers could have to change their living and studying environment. New neighbourhood, new schools, and new friends are likely to make them feel like a fish out of water meanwhile their parents are spending a lot of time making arrangement in working and have no time to share with children. That is why many newcomer pupils experience loneliness, which can result in committing suicide.

However, there are some possible answers to how to reduce juvenile’s stress. First of all, school education should shed the light for students that noone is perfect and bad marks in some aspects does not mean they would not succeed in the future. There have been many examples of celebrities who did not performed well in schools but still received great respects, such as Edison, Einstein. The second responsibility is on parents when trying to limit changing environment. If required, they need to spend more their care on children’s feelings and thoughts, hence, reducing their loneliness.

In conclusion, being stressful is clearly gaining more land in young people due to some particular reasons. However, if schools and parents could realise its importance and apply solutions, this problem could be addressed.

Rating: 5.90
đã hỏi trong Chữa đề ielts hàng tuần bởi (15 điểm)
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mình chỉ chỉnh lại vài chỗ mình thấy chưa hợp lí lắm, còn từ vựng mình nghĩ bạn nên dùng nhiều academic words hơn :))
Nowadays, in our modern life, stress is no longer the word belonging to adults only, but  juvenile also have to suffer from this as well. This report will take the causes and possible solutions of this dilemma into consideration.


There are two main culprits of causing stress among teenagers. The very first reason stems from academic pressure. Every school year, students have to cover a wide range of subjects from Math, Literature,… to Painting, Music. They are expected to achieve at least acceptable results in all areas, which is a challenging task even for adults. Therefore, they could frequently be poorly- performed in some subjects, and gain bad scores, provoking negative emotions such as unconfidence, shyness and then stress. Besides studying tensions, unfamiliar environment also has a considerable influence on causing stress among youngsters. Due to parents' changing their jobs or residence, teenagers would have to change their living and studying environment. New neighbourhood, new school, and new friends are likely to make them feel like a fish out of water while their parents spend a lot of time making arrangements in working and have no time to share with them. That is why many newcomers experience loneliness, which can result in committing suicide.

However, there are some possible answers as to how to reduce juvenile’s stress. First of all, school education should shed the light for students that noone is perfect and bad marks in some aspects do not mean they would not succeed in the future. There have been many examples of successful people who did not performe well in schools but still received great respects such as Edison, Einstein. The second responsibility is on parents when to try to limit changing environment. If required, they need to spend more their care on children’s feelings and thoughts, accompanying them on their sensitive period of growing up.

In conclusion, being stressful is clearly gaining more land in young people due to some particular reasons. However, if schools and parents could realise its seriousness and apply timely solutions, this problem could be addressed.

 

Rating: 5.00
đã góp ý bởi (6 điểm)
Cảm ơn bạn, nhưng bạn ơi, bạn có thể đề xuất 1 số từ academic hơn cho mình dc ko, và bạn có thể giúp mình đánh giá bài đang ở band mấy dc ko ah
+2 phiếu

There are two main culprits of being stressful among teenagersNowadays, a large number of teenagers are stressed for 2 reasons . Firtsly ( Secondly)  ( hoặc bạn có thẻ dùng To begin with, và nguyên nhân thứ 2 bạn dung Next, )The very first reason stems from studying pressure. Every school year, students must cover a wide range of subjects from Math, Literature,…( không được dùng dấu...... nha bận, những môn học này mình phải hoa hả bạn? mình nghĩ bạn không cần liệt kê môn học ra , vì hình như ai cũng rõ khi đề cập đến subjects " í kiến của mình thôi nhé cũng ko rõ nữa nếu sai bạn góp ý giúp miinh)  to Painting, and Music. They are hoped  ( nói chung rất hạn chế dùng quá khứ trong bài viết academic, vì đây la tinh hình thuc tiễn chung, nên mình chỉ nói ở hiện tại ) always try to achieve at least acceptable results in all areas, which is even a challenging task for adults. Therefore, they could frequently be poorly- performed in some( mình thấy bạn dùng từ some hơi bị nhiều) subjects, and gain bad scores, provoking negative emotions such as unconfidence, shy and then stress. Besides studying tensions, unfamiliar environment also has a considerable influence on causing stressful among youth. Due to parents changing their jobs or residence, teenagers could have to change their living and studying environment. New neighbourhood, new schools, and new friends are likely to make them feel like a fish out of water meanwhile their parents are spending a lot of time ( bạn ko nên dung a lot of mà nen dùng many hoặc much tùy thuộc nó uncount or count hoặc một số cụm khác )  making arrangement in working and have no time to share with children. That is why many newcomer pupils experience loneliness, which can result in committing suicide.

 

However, there are some possible answers to how to reduce juvenile’s stress( bạn nên hạn chế sử dụng cụm There is/there are :bạn có thể thêm vao cuối câu cho nó hay hơn) .. First of all, school education ( minh nghi school or education) should shed the light for students that noone is perfect and bad marks in some aspects does not ( do not) mean they would not succeed in the future. There have been many examples of celebrities who did not performed well in schools but still received great respects, such as Edison, Einstein. In past, many talent scientists  who did not perform well but they still received great respects, such as Edison, Einstein.The second responsibility is on parents when trying to limit changing environment. If requiredEssentilly, parents should spend more time at home with children,   they need to spend more their care on children’s feelings and thoughts, hence, reducing their loneline.

In conclusion, being stressful is clearly gaining more land in young people due to some particular reasons. However, if schools and parents could realise its importance and apply solutions, this problem could be addressed.

Mình cũng là new members thôi góp ý có gì ko đúng bạn nói mình nha, nói chung mình còn thấy câu kéo cũng ko suông lắm bạn ah. Ma mình thì ko đủ pro để sửa giúp bạn được, mình hy vong chung ta sẽ học toort ielts

 

một số link ma mình học dc đây bạn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgkRoYPLhts

 

 

Rating: 8.65
đã góp ý bởi (6 điểm)
thanks bạn nhiều :))

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