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Ielts task2 thi hsg tỉnh Hải Dương 2016-2017 computers

Em đang ôn thi HSG, mà ở tỉnh Hải Dương bài luận lại là IELTS writing task2 nên em hơi lo ! Anh, chị sửa bài hộ em ạ ! Thanks in advance ! 

Topic: That many students are far too dependent on computers for their study may have some negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. In about 180-220 words, write an essay to support your opinion.

 

It is observed that the abuse of computers for academic work may have some detrimental impacts on learners. In my opinion, I agree with this viewpoint to a large extent for two following reasons.

The first reason is that, without strict parental supervision, regular exposure to computer screens can cause tremendous harm to students’ health. For example, students who are spending an excessive amount of time searching information on the Internet, are likely to suffer from short eye-sight and obesity due to a sendentary lifestyle. Therefore, physical development of the these students is negatively affected in terms of health.

The second reason to support this idea is that using computers unreasonably sometimes leads to plagiarism and lack of creativity among students. In fact, most students of all ages have admitted copying essays or lectures from various online websites, which makes them less enthusiastic in finishing homework on their own and in coming up with new ideas and solutions in real life. In this sense, computers are believed to worsen learners’ cognitive development.

In conclusion, it seems to me that, the overdependence on computers for studies presents some disadvantages based on these above explanations. It is therefore advisable that students be alert to potential dangers of computers abuse.   

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi 31 Tháng 12, 2017 trong Opinion bởi Lê Hải Nam Anh (14 điểm)
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It is observed that the abuse of computers for academic work may have some detrimental impacts on learners. In my opinion, I agree with this viewpoint to a large extent for two following reasons.

The first reason is that, without any strict parental supervision, regular exposure to computer screens can cause tremendous harm directly to students’ health. For example, students who are spending an excessive amount of time searching information on the Internet, are likely to suffer from short eye-sight and obesity due to a sedentary lifestyle. Therefore, physical development of the these students is negatively affected especially at the age of growth.

The second reason to support this idea is that using computers unreasonably sometimes leads to plagiarism and lack of creativity among students. In fact, almost students of all ages have admitted copying essays or lectures from various online websites, which makes them less enthusiastic in finishing homework on their own and in coming up with new ideas and solutions in real life. In this sense, computers are believed to worsen / have an enormously negative impact on learners’ cognitive development.

In conclusion, it seems to me that, the overdependence on computers for studying presents some disadvantages based on these above explanations. It is therefore advisable that students be alert to potential dangers of computers abuse for preventing unwanted influences from using computer excessively.

Bài của bạn rất hay, nhưng nên cẩn thận về lỗi chính tả như từ sedentary chứ không phải là sendentary. Ngoài ra việc thêm một số trạng từ sẽ làm bài viết hay hơn.

Nhưng có một vấn đề nghiêm trọng ở đây là bài của bạn hơi ngắn, chưa được 250 chữ nên khi đi thi bị đánh giá là bài chưa đạt và mất điểm nhiều vì thiếu chữ sẽ là điều khó tránh khỏi. Chúc bạn thành công.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 1 Tháng 1 bởi Trịnh Công Bắc (90 điểm)
Cảm ơn bạn nhiều lắm ! Mình sẽ cố gắng hơn nữa :)
0 phiếu

It is observed that the abuse of computers for academic work may have some detrimental impacts on learners. In my opinion, I agree with this viewpoint to a large extent for two following reasons.

The first reason is that, without any strict parental supervision, regular exposure to computer screens can cause tremendous harm to students’ health. For example, students who are spending an excessive amount of time searching information on the Internet, are likely to suffer from short eye-sight and obesity due to a sendentary lifestyle. Therefore, physical development of the these students is negatively affected in terms of health.

The second reason to support this idea is that using computers unreasonably sometimes leads to plagiarism and lack of creativity among students. In fact, almost students of all ages have admitted copying essays or lectures from various online websites, which makes them less enthusiastic in finishing homework on their own and in coming up with new ideas and solutions in real life. In this sense, computers are believed to worsen learners’ cognitive development.

In conclusion, it seems to me that, the overdependence on computers for studies presents some disadvantages based on these above explanations. It is  advisable that students be alert to potential dangers of computers abuse.   

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 1 Tháng 1 bởi haanhdo28122002 (55 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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