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The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people’s ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

      MY ESSAY

 

    When it comes to the topic of technology, especially mass media, many people will readily agree that they have a strong effect on shaping people’s ideas. Pondering over this issue, I find the statement above totally convincing and I would like to render rationales for my opinion in this writing.

    What take my precedence are the prevalence of mass media and specific view on a matter. Commonly, people are likely to be affected by their surroundings. Interestingly, television and newspapers appear almost everywhere ranging from shopping centers, hair salons to people’s houses. By virtue of their availability, many people are easily exposed to them on a daily basis and in every aspect of their lives, thus they are certain to be influenced by the mass media around them. Furthermore, such mass media as newspaper or radio usually provide viewers and audience with information through particular lens. In other words, the news and articles on televisions or radios are often written or discussed by a person or a group of people, hence the viewers tend to judge the problems from writers’ view, but not in a subjective way. Unarguably, the mass media is one of the factors that have the profoundest influence on people’s belief.

     Nonetheless, skeptics may say that the effect of mass media is not as strong as the influence of families and friends. However, it is merely perfunctory conception. As the matter of fact, most people nowadays spend huge amount of time exposing to these media even in the time that they should spend with their families. For example, televisions appear in the meals of almost every family, in lieu of talking and sharing ideas with each other, people just keep their eyes on the newest bulletins. Obviously, the mass media are among the most influential factors on human’s belief. Therefore, the idea that impact of families and friends is stronger than mass media is possible to end in collapse.

   In a nutshell, in accordance with the reasons that I have mentioned above, I hold a strong belief that people these days are greatly influenced on the ideas by the mass media.
    

 

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2 góp ý

0 phiếu
 
góp ý hay nhất

Hi Nhi, 

Here's my thought and some recommedations. Don't take it too seriously. Underline means you should change it, Or means a better word choice.

Pros:  an effective structure with many phrases and idioms/ good arguments and grammars 

Cons: Using too much not popular idioms is against your essay. Ex in lieu of/ by virtue of.

           Choose a more popular phrase such as most profoud instead of profoudest. Google both phrases to see what it is more common. Tips is to look at numbers of search's results.  

            Keep practicing to maintain your essay around 250-270 words. 

Cheers,

Alex

 

When it comes to the topic of technology, especially mass media, many people will readily agree that they have a strong effect on shaping people’s ideas. Pondering over this issue, I find the statement above totally convincing (,) and I would like to render rationales for my opinion in this writing.

    What take my precedence are (The first reason/base can be explained by) the prevalence of mass media and specific view on a matter. Commonly, people are likely to be affected by their surroundings. Interestingly, television and newspapers appear almost everywhere ranging from shopping centers, hair salons to people’s houses. By virtue of (or Due to/ Because of) their availability, many people are easily exposed to them on a daily basis and in every aspect of their lives, thus they are certain to be influenced by the  mass media around them.

Furthermore, such mass media as newspaper or radio usually provide viewers and audience (audiences) with information through (a) particular lens. In other words, the news and articles on televisions or radios are often written or discussed by a person or a group of people, hence the viewers tend to judge the problems from writers’ view, but not in a subjective way. Unarguably, the mass media is one of the factors that have the profoundest (most profound) influence on people’s belief.

     Nonetheless, skeptics may say that the effect of mass media is not as strong as the influence of families and friends. However, it is merely perfunctory conception. As the matter of fact, most people nowadays spend (a) huge amount of time exposing (exposed) to these media even in the time that they should spend with their families. For example, televisions appear in the meals of almost every family, in lieu of (instead of) talking and sharing ideas with each other, people just (may/ tend to) keep their eyes on the newest bulletins. Obviously, the mass media are among the most influential factors on human’s belief. Therefore, the idea that impact of families and friends is stronger than mass media is possible to end in collapse.

   In a nutshell, in accordance with the reasons that I have mentioned above, I hold a strong belief that people these days are greatly influenced on the ideas by the mass media. 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (45 điểm)
được bầu chọn là bài viết hay nhất bởi
Thanks a lottt <3 !
0 phiếu

   When people it comes to the topic of technology. Especially in mass media, many people would ( những sự kiến được cho là or dự đoán sẽ xảy ra ở tương lại dùng would) will readily agree that they (they bạn sử dụng đại diện cho people or câu statement) have a strong effect on shaping people’s ideas. Pondering over this issue, I find the statement above (bạn nên trực tiếp đưa ra quan điểm cá nhân)   totally convincing and I would like to render rationales for my opinion in this writing.

    What take my precedence are the prevalence of mass media and specific view on a matter. Commonly, people are likely to be affected by (something thiếu subject) their surroundings. Interestingly, television and newspapers appear almost everywhere ranging from shopping centers, hair salons to people’s houses. By virtue of their availability, many people are easily exposed to them on a daily basis and in every aspect of their lives, thus they are certain to be influenced by the mass media around them. Furthermore, such mass media as newspaper or radio usually provide viewers (theo mình watcher hợp lý hơn khi đặt trong câu) watchers and listeners audience ( audience chỉ khán giả chung) with information through particular lens. In other words, the news and articles on televisions or radios are often written or discussed by a person or a group of people, hence the viewers tend to judge the problems from writers’ view, but not in a subjective way. Unarguably, the mass media is one of the factors that have the most profound  profoundest influence on people’s belief.

     Nonetheless, skeptics may say that the effect of mass media donot shape ideas in their mind is not as strong as the influence of families and friends. However, it is merely perfunctory conception( không hiểu ý bạn). As the matter of fact, most people nowadays spend huge amount of time exposing to these  mass media even in the time that they should spend with their families. For example, televisions appear in the meals of almost every families family, instead  lieu of talking and sharing ideas with each other, people just keep their eyes at on the newest bulletins on media. Obviously, the mass media are among the most influential factors on human’s belief. Therefore, the idea that impact of families and friends is stronger than mass media is possible to end in collapse.

Phần thân bài bạn viết phản biện quan điểm đồng ý, tuy nhiên sau câu topic sentence, mình thấy bạn đã phần tích nêu ví dụ lạc đề, bạn tự review đoạn này nhé

   In a nutshell, In conclusion in accordance with the reasons that I have mentioned above, I hold a strong belief that people these days are greatly influenced on the ideas by the mass media. 

Một số góp ý, bạn có thể cmt để mình và bạn hiểu rõ bài hơn nhé :))

1 Bạn viết bài chưa được logic.

2 Ngữ pháp bạn chưa tốt nên hạn chế dùng các câu dài, và đừng cố dùng nhiều từ không hay sử dụng, dẩn đến confuse cho người đọc và đoạn văn của bạn bị hiểu sai nghĩa)

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (132 điểm)
Có nhiều chỗ không hiểu sao bạn lại gạch ?
affected by their surroundings là bị ảnh hưởng bởi môi trường đó bạn

In a nut shell = In conclusion mà :)
Almost every family là đúng ngữ pháp đó bạn , sau every là số ít nha :))
Nhiều chỗ bạn gạch bỏ đi là thành câu vô nghĩa đó, bạn đọc kĩ lại để hiểu nha

surroundings có S mà mình quên để ý hihi

Almost every family  sửa lại Almost families, nghĩa là hầu hết mọi gia đình thì ko thế là số ít được, bạn bỏ every

In a nut shell  mình thấy ít được dùng.

Chúc bạn buổi tối vui vẻ ::))


Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
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