Here's my thought and some recommedations. Don't take it too seriously. Underline means you should change it, Or means a better word choice.
Pros: an effective structure with many phrases and idioms/ good arguments and grammars
Cons: Using too much not popular idioms is against your essay. Ex in lieu of/ by virtue of.
Choose a more popular phrase such as most profoud instead of profoudest. Google both phrases to see what it is more common. Tips is to look at numbers of search's results.
Keep practicing to maintain your essay around 250-270 words.
When it comes to the topic of technology, especially mass media, many people will readily agree that they have a strong effect on shaping people’s ideas. Pondering over this issue, I find the statement above totally convincing (,) and I would like to render rationales for my opinion in this writing.
What take my precedence are (The first reason/base can be explained by) the prevalence of mass media and specific view on a matter. Commonly, people are likely to be affected by their surroundings. Interestingly, television and newspapers appear almost everywhere ranging from shopping centers, hair salons to people’s houses. By virtue of (or Due to/ Because of) their availability, many people are easily exposed to them on a daily basis and in every aspect of their lives, thus they are certain to be influenced by the mass media around them.
Furthermore, such mass media as newspaper or radio usually provide viewers and audience (audiences) with information through (a) particular lens. In other words, the news and articles on televisions or radios are often written or discussed by a person or a group of people, hence the viewers tend to judge the problems from writers’ view, but not in a subjective way. Unarguably, the mass media is one of the factors that have the profoundest (most profound) influence on people’s belief.
Nonetheless, skeptics may say that the effect of mass media is not as strong as the influence of families and friends. However, it is merely perfunctory conception. As the matter of fact, most people nowadays spend (a) huge amount of time exposing (exposed) to these media even in the time that they should spend with their families. For example, televisions appear in the meals of almost every family, in lieu of (instead of) talking and sharing ideas with each other, people just (may/ tend to) keep their eyes on the newest bulletins. Obviously, the mass media are among the most influential factors on human’s belief. Therefore, the idea that impact of families and friends is stronger than mass media is possible to end in collapse.
In a nutshell, in accordance with the reasons that I have mentioned above, I hold a strong belief that people these days are greatly influenced on the ideas by the mass media.