ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.1k Bài viết

3k Góp ý

2k bình luận

13.7k thành viên

Topic: Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts off money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents

The quality of our lives have grown. That is the reason why children are more and more concerned and surrounded by their families and society. It is thought that children living in families do not have much money handle better situations than children living by wealthy parents. I firmly support this trend and my opinions are discussed below.

Firstly, I think if a child lives independently from a young age, he will master himself and determine the future then growing up. When 6-year-olds, many parents let their children do own personal hygiene, go to school and do many things with their own strength. That helps us how to work and form a habit for the latter. We will not be passive to others.

On the one hand on the other, children brought up in families that do not have large amounts money are taught to be pleased with what they have had. They have known that life is not always pink. They must adapt to every situation and do not damande.

On the other hand, the way to live independently makes children have distance themselves from their families. Parents are busy working and their children live independently. They are not connected, children may be misled.

To sum up, children living independently need mothods and considerations. We need to learn to live independently as a child
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Opinion bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu

The quality of our lives have grown. That is the reason why children are more and more concerned and surrounded by their families and society. It is thought that children living in families which do not have much money to handle well better situations than children living by wealthy parents. I firmly support this trend and my opinions are discussed below.
 
Firstly, I think if a child lives independently from a young age, he will master (need subjects)  himself and determine the future then growing up (should present idea clealy) .(recommend add topic sentences before give example) When 6-year-olds, many parents let their children do own personal hygiene, go to school and do many things with their own strength. That helps us how to work and form a habit for the latter. We will not be passive to others.

On the one hand on the other, children brought up in families that do not have large amounts money are taught to be pleased with what they have had. They have known that life is not always pink. They must adapt to every situation and do not damande.

On the other hand, the way to live independently (grammar error)  makes children have distance themselves from their families. Parents are busy working and their children live independently. They are not connected, children may be misled.

To sum up, children living independently need mothods and considerations. We need to learn to live independently as a child

-Bài viết sơ sài

-Các đoạn không đi theo một cấu trúc logic

-Các lần sau nhờ sửa bài bạn phải ghi đầy đủ đề bài để những người sửa như mình có thể giúp bạn tốt hơn nhé!

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (94 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

0 Góp ý
đã hỏi 20 Tháng 4, 2016 trong Opinion bởi Trang Moon (0 điểm)
...