In the 21st century, more and more people ( từ vựng chưa tốt, more and more văn nói hạn chế đưa vào bài viết) a lot of people leave their towns to and move to in big luxury (từ vựng không phù hợp) big cities in order to have better life conditions. However, other people assume that living in the small towns bring pedestrians numerous of advantages. In this following essay I will discuss the benefits as well as the drawbacks of living in small villages, compared to modern cities. (Phần mở bài bạn chưa tóm tắt hết nội dung của statement)
On the one hand, (Thiếu câu topic sentence) the facilities of the villages can not be as good as the metropolis’. For example, modern towns modern cities (ở trên bạn đã dùng town thay village, nên dùng từ khác )could provide people better healthcare system, education and the state of the art technology for people. Therefore; city’s living condition living condition of city can be much better than the villages. In addition, another reason that attracts people to live in the city is the job opportunity (lỗi diễn đạt) people live in cities which have higher job opportunities. There are variety of jobs with attractive salaries available for people commuters (từ không phù hợp)to earn for their livings, so people tend to move to big town more than before.
On the other hand, living and working in the close-knit community has a large number of benefits to the villagers. For instance, you know people in your hometown quite well, so it is much easier when you ask for support with problems. Moreover, people will not have to worry about the living cost in small communities nowadays anymore. Now everything you (không sử dụng I you etc trong task 2) people need for your livings like clothes, groceries… is are cheaper than these in cities the city, but their quality are nearly the same. Another advantages is that you do not have to deal with traffic congestions and exhaust fumes released by car like in the city, which is quite good for your health.
Although living in the small communities has variety of benefits, I highly recommend that it is better for people to have a better living condition when they live in the city. ( bài hỏi both views, kết luận bạn phải ghi đầy đủ advantages và disadvantages)
Bài viết phần thân bài triển khai ý lộn xộn, chưa logic, viết câu dài dẩn đến sai các lỗi ngữ pháp.
Cấu trúc thân bài, bạn follow cố gắng cải thiện khi triển khai ý nhé.
· (Linking word) Topic Sentence
· (Linking word 1) Supporting Idea 1 + Expanding + Example
· (Linking word 2) Supporting Idea 2 + Expanding +Example
· (Linking word) Concluding Sentence