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The given graph compares the changing patterns of domestic assess to modern technology in households in the UK from 1996 to 2003

As can be seen from the chart, all devices show upward trends, CD player was the most changing patterns of all time, followed by Home Computer and Mobile Phone, and the lowest changing item was internet access.

Between 1996 and 1998/99, the proportion of changing Home computer was higher than that of changing Mobile Phone. Then, mobile Phone increased dramatically and surpassed Home Computer. The former started at just under 20% in 1996/97, but ended up to 70% in 2002/03, while the later was at appropriately 30% in 1996/97, but only reached to 55% in 2002/03.

Internet Access started to use in 1998/99 at 10% of changing patterns, but also rose significantly to about 45% in 2002/03.

In conclusion, there were considerable rises in percentage of changing domestic access to modern technology in families.
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you should paraphare topic.  I think you can add information about the years when it pick at or plummet to

I think your writting is quite good: shortly and clearly.:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
what is paraphare, the way you comment is so rude =]] how good you are!!!!
0 phiếu

I think the weak point in your writing is the lack of various structures, you should add more different and complex structures to your writing.

Besides, there was also a repetition of conjunction ( '' but and '' while '' ; the phrase " changing patterns " , '' changing ''  in your writing .

Try your best and good luck :) 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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