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ĐÂY LÀ LẦN ĐẦU EM VIÊT MONG MỌI NGƯỜI GÓP Ý EM CẢM ƠN NHÌU Ạ  

Today, that young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities is quite popular. They are hardly interested in living at countryside or intend to return their homeland in order to work. In my opinion, having many reasons makes everyone to think that they need to live and study in cities instead of doing in countryside.

 Living conditions is the main reason for this problem. The differences of both advantages and disadvantages between city and countryside are quite obvious. When they live in cities, they have many chances to find many well-paid jobs which help them earn money easier than do they in their homeland. Not only many good jobs but also good infrastructures which help them improve the living quality. In cities, education is extremely good, so the students can have a good environment  to learn such as : getting useful information by using network faster than do the students in rural regions or approaching  with the modern equipments to serve for their studying  easier. It is one of reasons that they choose to study in cities  instead of studying in countryside  The second reason is  the natural condition  at each regions .When living in countryside , everyone often farms mainly .Despite working hard, money is not enough to spend  and their harvests often confront with weather, pestilent insects, poor crops...in any times. ,for this reason they need to improve their life by moving to cities in order to make their life  better, they will get  jobs which help them earn  enough money to support for themselves and their family without worrying about the bad harvests .Additionally, That the government and investors are also reasons  leading to one .They always choose the regions are advantageous  to transport and consume goods easily ,Thus , they choose cities to be the place for building  factories ,as a result of leading to attraction  for  human resources from other rural areas comes to find jobs . However, emigration from this place to other one will not only make many difficulties for controlling inhabitants , security but also  solve the unemployment  if this problem becomes more and more increasing in cities. In my opinion, It has both advantages and disadvantages in emigrating, but advantages will outweigh disadvantages. If so many people leave, it will force the government and authorities to solve their leaving to other areas by many measures such as : constructing infrastructure, factories  ,assuming responsibility for their living conditions, Come what may they only want to be out of starvation  , so authorities and government need to enforce much more lest their living condition has  any privation
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bài của bạn có rất nhiều lỗi sai ví dụ như: 

1.Today, that young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities is quite popular. một câu có tới 2 Verb. mình khuyên bạn nên viết câu dơn giản trước khi dùng những câu phức tạp. 

2. bạn nên chia bài này làm 4 phần cơ bản: 

I. introduction ( paraphrase cái đề bài, ghi thêm 1 câu ý kiến của mình về vấn đề này)

II. Body paragraph 1 ( phần này mình viết về reason )

III. Body paragraph 2 ( ý kiến của bạn về vấn đề này)

IV. conclusion (kết luận thì paraphrase lại cái mở bài)

bạn có thể học viết writing web ielts-simon.com. thầy này viết rất đơn giản nhưng hiệu quả. 

chúc bạn thành công, mình rất mong đọc bài tiếp theo của bạn :)

Rating: 6.50
đã góp ý bởi (20 điểm)
Bạn ơi, câu Today, that young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities is quite popular  không sai về ngữ pháp đâu bạn nhé.
S ở đây là cả 1 clause, có that đứng đầu trở thành 1 chủ ngữ.
Today, (S) that young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities (V) is quite popular.

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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