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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và ban tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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Recent advances in technology have exerted a strong influence on how youngster use their leisure time.It leads to an argument about its beneficial and adverse effects. I am more of the belief that the positive sides of modern technologies surpass the negative ones.

            On the one hand, high-tech devices such as computer or mobile phone give children more chances to access to the whole new world which has a plenty of knowledge for them to perceive.This tool is utterly advantageous to search for any information they take interest in due to the fact that it is really fast, convenient and accurate.Besides, using these modern equipment can also be the most useful way to reduce stress and relax for children at leisure. Through millions of means of entertainment like films, cartoons or games, they can choose from the variety which they like most and self-enjoy while their parents on duty.Rather than hanging out with friends as the past, this way of enjoying their free time is much more pleasing and safer.

            On the other hand, overusing these devices can lead to a number of  drawbacks that will definitely do direct harm to children.Fisrt of all, spending youngster’s free time too much in front of the television or computer screen can undeniably affect children’s health.Even worse, this leads to many uncurable diseases like short-sighted or inaccurate development in bones.Furthermore, I am of great concern that future generation will have no connectivity within the community and they do not even stay in constant touch with their nearest neighbors on account of using all their time for highly-advanced technologies available in their house.  

            In a nutshell, I am utterly convinced that the advantages of lastest technologies can beat theirs disadvantages provided that their owners make use of them in an intelligent way.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Band score 5.0-5.5 bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

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1 góp ý

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Recent advances in technology have exerted a strong influence on how youngster use their leisure time.It leads to an argument about its beneficial and adverse effects. I am more of the belief that the positive sides of modern technologies surpass the negative ones.

            On the one hand, high-tech devices such as computer or mobile phone give children more chances to access to the whole new world which has a plenty of knowledge for them to perceive.This tool is utterly advantageous to search for any information they take interest in due to the fact that it is really incredibly fast, convenient and accurate.Besides, using these this modern equipment can also be the most useful way to reduce stress and relax for children at leisure. Through millions of means of entertainment like films, cartoons or games, they can choose from the variety which they like most and self-enjoy while their parents on duty.Rather than hanging out with friends as the past, this way of enjoying their free time is much more pleasing pleasant and safer.

            On the other hand, overusing these devices can lead to a number of  drawbacks that will definitely do direct harm to children.Fisrt of all, spending too much youngster’s free time too much in front of the television or computer screen can undeniably affect children’s health.Even worse, this leads to many uncurable diseases like short-sighted or inaccurate development in bones.Furthermore, I am of great concern that future generation will have no connection connectivity within the community and they do not even stay in constant touch with their nearest neighbors on account of using all their time for highly-advanced technologies available in their house.  

            Inconclusion a nutshell, I am utterly convinced that the advantages of lastest technologies can beat theirs disadvantages provided that their owners make use of them in an eficient intelligent way.
(bạn viết tốt lắm, những cái mình góp ý chỉ là nhỏ thôi nhé, bài của bạn mình nghĩ phải xung quanh 7.0 cơ)
(chữa bào cho mình với nha http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6788/country-produce-materials-disagree-constantly-increasing-production-appropriate)
 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (35 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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