ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.1k Bài viết

3k Góp ý

2k bình luận

13.7k thành viên

Recent advances in technology have exerted a strong influence on how youngster use their leisure time.It leads to an argument about its beneficial and adverse effects. I am more of the belief that the positive sides of modern technologies surpass the negative ones.

            On the one hand, high-tech devices such as computer or mobile phone give children more chances to access to the whole new world which has a plenty of knowledge for them to perceive.This tool is utterly advantageous to search for any information they take interest in due to the fact that it is really fast, convenient and accurate.Besides, using these modern equipment can also be the most useful way to reduce stress and relax for children at leisure. Through millions of means of entertainment like films, cartoons or games, they can choose from the variety which they like most and self-enjoy while their parents on duty.Rather than hanging out with friends as the past, this way of enjoying their free time is much more pleasing and safer.

            On the other hand, overusing these devices can lead to a number of  drawbacks that will definitely do direct harm to children.Fisrt of all, spending youngster’s free time too much in front of the television or computer screen can undeniably affect children’s health.Even worse, this leads to many uncurable diseases like short-sighted or inaccurate development in bones.Furthermore, I am of great concern that future generation will have no connectivity within the community and they do not even stay in constant touch with their nearest neighbors on account of using all their time for highly-advanced technologies available in their house.  

            In a nutshell, I am utterly convinced that the advantages of lastest technologies can beat theirs disadvantages provided that their owners make use of them in an intelligent way.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Band score 5.0-5.5 bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu
Recent advances in technology have exerted a strong influence on how youngster use their leisure time.It leads to an argument about its beneficial and adverse effects. I am more of the belief that the positive sides of modern technologies surpass the negative ones.

            On the one hand, high-tech devices such as computer or mobile phone give children more chances to access to the whole new world which has a plenty of knowledge for them to perceive.This tool is utterly advantageous to search for any information they take interest in due to the fact that it is really incredibly fast, convenient and accurate.Besides, using these this modern equipment can also be the most useful way to reduce stress and relax for children at leisure. Through millions of means of entertainment like films, cartoons or games, they can choose from the variety which they like most and self-enjoy while their parents on duty.Rather than hanging out with friends as the past, this way of enjoying their free time is much more pleasing pleasant and safer.

            On the other hand, overusing these devices can lead to a number of  drawbacks that will definitely do direct harm to children.Fisrt of all, spending too much youngster’s free time too much in front of the television or computer screen can undeniably affect children’s health.Even worse, this leads to many uncurable diseases like short-sighted or inaccurate development in bones.Furthermore, I am of great concern that future generation will have no connection connectivity within the community and they do not even stay in constant touch with their nearest neighbors on account of using all their time for highly-advanced technologies available in their house.  

            Inconclusion a nutshell, I am utterly convinced that the advantages of lastest technologies can beat theirs disadvantages provided that their owners make use of them in an eficient intelligent way.
(bạn viết tốt lắm, những cái mình góp ý chỉ là nhỏ thôi nhé, bài của bạn mình nghĩ phải xung quanh 7.0 cơ)
(chữa bào cho mình với nha http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6788/country-produce-materials-disagree-constantly-increasing-production-appropriate)
 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (35 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

1 góp ý
...