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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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[b]At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of the young aldults, compared with the number of older people.[/b][R][/R]
Anwer:
Nowadays,the world are getting many advances and starting a big change to create a new world.So the demand of working resources is more important to adapt the develop of their countries,mainly in developing countries.In my opinion,there are numerous advantages rather than disavantages.
First of all advantage is labor force,young generation has ambitious and youngness,they try the best they can to complete tasks with high effection.Therefore,they will achieve the goal easily than the elder.Furthermore,the young have an ability to learn new thing quickly in other to adapt the changing of the world,The old-fashioned has been replaced by the new one of the trend then grow up the economy 
However,the young don't have enough experiences to deal with the real life so they meet many mistakes which can result in the loss of money or honor.
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I will help you correct the grammar. The content is up to you.
"At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of the young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Anwer:
Nowadays, the world is getting many advances and starting a significant change to create a new world.So the demand for working resources is more important to adapt the development of their countries, mainly in developing countries.In my opinion, there are numerous advantages rather than disadvantages.
First of all, an advantage is labor force, the young generation has ambitious and youngness, they try the best they can to complete tasks with high effection.Therefore, they will achieve the goal easily (efficiently) than the elder.Furthermore, the young have an ability to learn new thing quickly in other to adapt the changing of the world. The old-fashioned has been replaced by the new one of the trend then grow up the economy 
However, the young don't have enough experiences to deal with the real life so they meet many mistakes which can result in the loss of money or honor."

 

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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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