ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2,030 Bài viết

2,831 Góp ý

1,918 bình luận

12,919 thành viên

Ielts Task 2 - In some countries, parents expect their children to spend long time studying both in and after school and have less free time.

Topic: In some countries, parents expect their children to spend long time studying both in and after school and have less free time. What are the positive and negative effects on children and society they live in?

It is true that an increasing number of children are required to spend much time on studying so they have less time for relaxing. Despite the fact that it offers some benefits, it also has several drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are many advantages of studying both in and after school. The main favorable factor is that children can potentially absorb a broad range of academic knowledge which might help them with future career. Admittedly, if juveniles did not spend time on learning subjects such as language, science, or technology, they could hardly secure jobs since most companies require their employees to be knowledgeable about at least one of these subjects. Another key benefit is that a growing population of intellectuals can contribute to the development of economy. It is alleged that the vast majority of students who study hard and have outstanding academic results would possibly work in different fields such as science or education while those who are indolent seem to cope with financial difficulty or even commit crimes due to unemployment.

On the other hand, there are some negative impacts of studying too much on children that should be taken into consideration. Firstly, juveniles would probably suffer from some psychological problems if they were forced to study all the time. Obviously, students easily lose a sense of satisfaction when they have to learn much abstract knowledge. Instead of being excited, they usually feel stressed and depressed with much information. Furthermore, students need to be given more opportunities to develop practical skills such as communication skills because having only abstract knowledge cannot make students become well-prepared for their future.

In conclusion, parents should not ask children to study both in and after school because its demerits outweigh its merits.

(292 words)
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi 11 Tháng 10 trong advantages,disadvantages bởi Nguyễn Thu Trà (43 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

2 góp ý

0 phiếu
 
góp ý hay nhất
Chào bạn Thu Trà!

Chúng mình rất cám ơn vì những comment vô cùng hữu ích của bạn trên website chuawritingmienphi trong thời gian qua. Sau đây chúng mình xin gửi bạn bài chữa cho bài viết này. Hi vọng sẽ giúp bạn nhận ra được những điểm tốt và điểm chưa tốt lắm của mình

Bạn tải bài chữa về máy tại link sau nhé: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/1511954311-1511922174-Topic.docx

Chúc bạn học tốt!
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 29 Tháng 11 bởi Christine Ho (124 điểm)
được bầu chọn là bài viết hay nhất 30 Tháng 11 bởi Nguyễn Thu Trà
Cảm ơn bạn nhiều :D
0 phiếu

It is true that an increasing number of children are required to spend much time on studying so they have less time for relaxing. In some countries, an increasing number of children are expected to spend long time studying in and after school. Despite the fact that it this offers some benefits, it there are also has several drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are many advantages of studying both in and after school. The main favorable factor is that children can potentially absorb a broad range of academic knowledge which might help them with future career. Admittedly, if juveniles youngsters did not spend enough  time on learning subjects such as language, science, or technology, they could hardly secure jobs since most companies require their employees to be knowledgeable about at least one of these subjects. Another key benefit is that a growing population of intellectuals can contribute to the development of economy. Indeed, It is alleged commonly believed that the vast majority of students who study hard and have outstanding academic results would possibly work in different fields such as science or education. while those who are indolent seem to cope with financial difficulty or even commit crimes due to unemployment.

On the other hand, there are some negative impacts of studying too much on children that should be taken into consideration. Firstly, juveniles they would probably suffer from some psychological problems if they were forced to study all the time. Obviously, students can easily lose a sense of satisfaction when they have to learn much abstract knowledge. Instead of being excited, they usually feel stressed and depressed with much information. Furthermore, students need to be given more opportunities to develop practical skills such as communication skills because having only abstract knowledge cannot make prepare students become well-prepared for their future.

In conclusion, parents should not ask children to study both in and after school because its demerits outweigh its merits.

từ juvenile mình gạch nhiều vì nó hay được dùng trong trường hợp tiêu cực hơn ví du như "he works to keep juveniles away from drugs

về cơ bản thì mình thấy bạn viết khá ổn, nhưng còn nhiều lỗi về cách sử dụng từ (một số cái sửa chỉ là suggestions thôi nhé)

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 12 Tháng 10 bởi HTD (35 điểm)

Cảm ơn bạn đã góp ý cho bài của mình nhé yes


Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

...