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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

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Global warming which results from that the earth’s temperature is rising poses a deadly threat to our planet. Humans are responsible for a variety of causes deteriorating this “ greenhouse effect”, but we still can take steps to reduce the damage we are causing to minimize the issue. This essay will discuss some of the causes and the feasible solutions that governments and individuals can work towards to tackle with global warming issue.
Unfortunately, recent scientific research has revealed that there are many reasons to explain why global temperatures keep on increasing. Firstly, automobiles nowadays develop too much in their number running on the roads. The more number of cars, trucks, etc; the more exhaust fumes and heat they emit into the atmosphere. Secondly, due to the rapid development of industrial factories, smoke and toxic gases seem to be pumped out more often than usual which leads to the atmospheric ozone layer being poisoned and depleted. Thirdly, the industry of energy production claims too many fossil fuels such as coal and natural gas being burnt. This also adds to the causes of the temperature being raised.
Serious as these causes might be, we can take various measures to lower their impact on our planet. One of the measures should be implemented is to create more public transport links. This way would help to lessen the number of cars hustling on the roads. What is more, governments should place laws and restrictions on companies and factories so as to keep them as eco-friendly as possible. Last but not least, more alternative and natural energy resources should be made use of. In this case, instead of producing heat and gases, we can harness energy from the sun, wind and water.
In brief, the long-term effects of global warming are yet unknown but they are, for sure, harmful to human-beings. Hence, all solutions suggested need to be put in place as soon as possible to save our planet.
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  Global warming which results from that the earth’s temperature is rising rising earth's temperature poses a deadly threat to our planet. Humans are responsible for a variety of causes deteriorating this “ greenhouse effect”, but we still can take steps to reduce the damage we are causing to minimize the issue. This essay will discuss some of the causes and the feasible solutions that governments and individuals can work towards to tackle with global warming issue.

Unfortunately, recent scientific research has revealed that there are many reasons to explaining why global temperatures keep on increasing. Firstly, automobiles nowadays develop too much in their number running on the roads.(Câu này mình thấy hơi lủng củng, bạn nên sửa là: The number of automobiles running on the roads is uncontrollably increasing.) The more number of cars, trucks, etc; the more exhaust fumes and heat they emit into the atmosphere. Secondly, due to the rapid development of industrial factories, smoke and toxic gases seem to be pumped out more often than usual which leads to the depletion atmospheric ozone layer being poisoned and depleted. Thirdly, the industry of energy production industry claims too many fossil fuels such as coal and natural gas being burnt. This also adds to the causes of the rise in temperature being raised.
Serious as these causes might be, we can take various measures to lower their impact on our planet. One of the measures should be implemented is to create more public transport links. This way would help to lessen the number of cars hustling on the roads. What is more, governments should place issue laws and restrictions on companies and factories so as to keep them as eco-friendly as possible. Last but not least, more alternative and natural energy resources should be made use of. In this case, instead of producing heat and gases, we can harness energy from the sun, wind and water.
In brief, the long-term effects of global warming are yet unknown(yet = not) but they are, for sure, harmful to human-beings. Hence, all solutions suggested need to be put in place as soon as possible to save our planet.
 

 

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Mình thấy đôi chỗ bạn còn gặp vấn đề về cách diễn đạt, nhiều khi bạn nên thay clauses bằng noun prase thì dễ hiểu và nghe nó trôi chảy hơn :)))

Nếu có thời gian, bạn góp ý cho mình nhé: http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6599/parents-vs-school-in-educating-children-to-become-good-members-of-society
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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