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IELTS Writing Task 1

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK.
 

       

The bar chart compares how much time it takes 10-15 year-olds, by gender, to chat on the Internet and play on games consoles on an average school day in the United Kingdom.

Overall slightly more boys and girls in the 10-15 age group prefer playing on games console to chatting online. It is also evident that an overwhelming majority of boys enjoy playing on game consoles, while chatting online is considerably more popular among girls than boys.

Regarding chatting on the Internet, the number of 10-15 year-old boys spending time doing this activity for less than an hour a day is the same as that of their female counterparts, accounting for nearly 30 percent, although much more girls than boys chatting for over one hour.

On the other hand, nearly a massive 90% of 10-15 year-old male students spend time playing on games console on an avergage school day, whereas the figure for females is just over a half. Most girls, about one third, play on games console for under 1 hour per day, while the majority of boys, roughly 45 %, enjoy doing this leisure activity for 1 to 3 hours. It is noticable that the proportion for males in the 10-15 age range playing on games console for more than 4 hours per day is roughly 10 percent, the same percentage for females talking to their friends online for the same amount of time.

 

 

 

                  

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The bar chart compares how much time it takes 10-15 year-olds, by gender, to chat on the Internet and play on games consoles on a average -> particular school day in the United Kingdom.

Overall slightly more boys and girls in the 10-15 age group -> both two genders prefer playing on games console to chatting online. It is also evident that an overwhelming -> the majority of boys enjoy playing on game consoles, while chatting online is considerably more popular among girls (than boys).

Regarding chatting on the Internet, the number of 10-15 year-old boys and of female counterparts spending time doing this activity for less than an hour a day is the same as that of their female counterparts, accounting for nearly 30 percent, although much more girls than boys chatting for over one hour than boy.

On the other hand, nearly a massive 90% of 10-15 year-old male students spend time playing on games console on an avergage school day, whereas the figure for females is just over a half. Most girls, about one third, play on games console for under -> less than 1 hour per day, while the majority of boys, roughly 45 %, enjoy doing this leisure activity for 1 to 3 hours. It is noticable that the proportion for males in the 10-15 age range playing on games console for more than 4 hours per day is roughly 10 percent, the same percentage for females talking to their friends online for the same amount of time.

Hi bạn, mình nghĩ bài bạn thế này là ổn rồi nhưng nếu được bạn viết lại cho câu gãy gọn. Bạn cố gắng dùng từ để tránh kéo dài bài ra nha. Vì đề đã là phân tích số liệu trong nhóm tuổi 10-15 nên trong bài bạn không cần nhắc đến con số này nhiều. :)

Mình in đậm 2 chỗ, như bạn thấy, không phải là nói nó sai gì đâu. Chỉ là mình nhớ phải trên 55% mới có thể dùng từ "most" và "the majority".

Chờ bài mới của bạn 

Thân,

Giang

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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