about traffic congestion, sửa lỗi và chấm bài giúp mình nhé, thanks
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Hello everyone, could you help me correct my essay, please

Question : The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

                 

Answer:

-         Nowadays, traffic congestion in may cities around the word is serious because of quick development of society.It is argued by many that government should provide free public transport in all day, yet there still remain some arguments against this issue as it is extremely cost.In my view point, offering free public transport is not the best way and other measure should be taken.

-         First, there are different problems lead to traffic congestion in a country such as the existence of unfinished constructions on streets, the unawareness of traffic travelers,  but the most major is that so many private vehicles. To solve problem, some believe that government should provide free public as a feasible measure among others to reduce such a huge number of private vehicle owners as well as pollution. However, many big cities like Ho Chi Minh city still suffer from traffic jams in a narrow road with obsolete infrastructure in spite of the rise in availability of public transport.Therefore, I strongly believe that the road needs to be widened, traffic lights, signs should be made to stem the root cause.

-         Second,providing free public that may leave burden on national budget.On the other hand, traffic jams mainly occurs during the rush hours so it is pointless when providing public transport all the time. Government solve problems in this way in the long-term may be unachievable due to its tremendous cost.It be far more economical if this amount of money was invested on enhacing road facilities.

-         In brief,such a measure is worth considering to improve the current situation, but it is essential to examine between advantages and disadvantages before introducing such a law.
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Nowadays, traffic congestion in many cities around the word is a considerable problem due to rapid development of society.It is argued that governments should provide free public transport in all day, yet there still remains some arguments against this issue as it is extremely costly.In my view point, offering free public transport is not the best way and other measures should be taken into consideration.

-         First, there are different effects leading to traffic congestion in a country such as the existence of progressing constructions on streets, the unawareness of traffic travelers,  but the most major is that private vehicles take tremendous space . To tackle the problem, some believe that governments should provide free public as a feasible measure among others to reduce such a huge number of private vehicle owners as well as pollution. However, many big cities like Ho Chi Minh city still suffer from traffic jams in narrow roads with obsolete infrastructure in spite of the rise in availability of public transport.Therefore, I strongly believe that the road needs to be widened, traffic lights, signs should be made to stem the root cause.

-         Second,providing free public that may put greater burden on national budget. (Cho mình thêm 2 câu ý này). On the other hand, traffic jams mainly occur during the rush hours so it is pointless for authorities to supply public transport all the time. That governments solve problems in the long-term resolutions may be unachievable due to its tremendous cost. It is obvious that it would be far more economical if this amount of money was invested on enhacing road facilities.

-         In brief,such measures are worth being considered to deal with the current situation, but it is essential to examine between advantages and disadvantages before imposing new law.
 
Mình đã sửa bài theo ý kiến của mình. Cảm ơn bạn đã post bài nha

 

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Thanks bạn, có thể chỉ chỗ sai để mình hoàn thiện ko? và theo bạn bài essay của mình khoảng bao nhiêu chấm?
Mình nghĩ bạn muốn tăng điểm phải đọc thêm nhiều bài sample band 8-9 để lấy ý. Giống trường hợp của mình :)) . Bài của bạn mình nghĩ cỡ 6.0 thôi mà còn tuỳ người chấm nữa
Thanks bạn, goal của mình khoảng band đó là ok.Thanks for your help
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Nowadays, traffic congestion in may many cities around the word is a serious problem because of quick rapid development of society. It is argued by many that governments should provide free public transport in all whole day, yet there still remain some arguments against this issue as it is extremely costly. In my view point of view, offering free public transport is not the best way and other measure should be taken.

First, there are different various reasons problems which leads to traffic congestion in a country such as the existence of unfinished constructions on streets, the unawareness of traffic travelers,  but the most major is that so many private vehicles. To solve problem, some people believe that the government should provide free public as a feasible measure among others to reduce such a huge number of private vehicle owners as well as pollution. However, many big large cities like Ho Chi Minh city still suffer from traffic jams in a narrow road with obsolete infrastructure in spite of the rise in availability of public transport. Therefore, I strongly believe that the road needs to be widened, traffic lights, signs should be made to stem the root cause.

 

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