Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.
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Countries in all over the world vary from each other in terms of their own official religion, local culture and individuals’ lifestyle. Nowadays, in the era of developing tourism industry, it is not strange for descovering and experiencing new cultures. There are some different arguments lay emphasis on behaviors of newcomers when they visit a country: following the host country’s customs or not.

On the one hand, when visitors have opportunities to discover other countries, they obviously should to obverse the local customs of the host country. Indeed, newcomers will face to lots of difficuties when they blend into a new environment and they have to pay attention to their personal behaviours to adopt traditions and customs of locals. For examples, when a foreigner comes to Singapore, residents will consider him/herself dirty and ill-mannered if he/she litters the street or spits gum in public places. Obviously, following the social behaviours enables visitor avoid unexpected judgements of people in the host country. Also, in Muslime countries, individuals are not allowed to drink alcohol publicly and that the reason why visitors who come from other countries will fall foul of the law if they do not respect the social norms. Conclusively, there are many benefits for foreigners when they do adopt the local customs of the host country.

On the other hand, the host country itself will definitely take many adventages by welcoming cultural differences. Particularly, it is one of the most effective ways to develope tourism industry and the national economy, as the result, will progress outstandingly. For instance, Dubai and Arabian country with most flexible rules in favour of tourist earn millions of dollars from tourism industry or in Turkey, thanks to revering to tourists' cultures and receiving them warmly, the tourism has become its first industry and provides most of country’s budget. Furthermore, the international reputation of a tourist friendly country will be high, if they welcome different cultures. And obviously, the host country itself will get respect and love of visitors in all over the world.

Because of the distinction about local customs, national culture and personal lifestyle between places in the world, visitors should follow the norms of social behaviour to avoid unexpected pitfalls and falling foul of the law; and the host country itself also should blend into cultural differences because it is one of the most rapid way to promote economic development.
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- Bạn nên ôn lại toàn bộ ngữ pháp cơ bản, bạn mắc rất nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp, nên tập viết các câu ngắn, đơn giản trước nhưng phải đúng, viết tự do trước khi chuyển sang IELTS vì IELS nặng về triển khai ý, các idea của bạn link rất lung tung và ko thuyết phục được (cá nhân mình). Bài này mình nghĩ ko quá 5.0.

- Intro và Conclusion chỉ cần 2 câu mỗi phần, riêng Conclusion 1 câu cũng đc.

- Đọc thật nhiều bạn nhé.

 

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Countries in all over the world considerably vary from each other in terms of their own official religion, local culture and individuals’ lifestyle. Nowadays, in the era of developing tourism industry , it is not strange to for descovering  discover and experience experiencing new cultures. There are some different arguments lay emphasis on behaviors of newcomers visitors (nên dùng newcomer ở body, nên to the point ở intro)when they visit a country: following the host country’s customs or not. (Phần intro khá dài và lủng củng và ko smooth, theo mình chỉ cần dùng 2 câu cho Intro, 1 câu nêu context, 1 câu nêu opinion, nếu là dạng discuss thì dùng While...)

 

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Tiếp:

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On the one hand, when visitors have opportunities to discover other countries, they obviously (Nên tránh dùng những cụm như obvious, always trong essay)should to obverse  follow the local customs of the host country (vế when... nên chuyển ra đằng sau)IndeedIn fact, newcomers would will face to lots of (lots of rất informal) many difficuties when they blend into integrate with a new environment and they have to pay attention to their personal behaviours to adopt traditions and customs of locals. For examples, when a foreigner comes to Singapore, residents (chưa chi tiết, resident nào?) Singaporean people/ Singapore residents will consider him or her him/herself dirty (dùng dirty ở đây ko chính xác, vứt rác là hành vi chứ ko phải họ có dirty hay ko)and ill-mannered if he or she he/she litters the street or spits gum (gum có thể dùng như một verb) in public places (Cái ex này chưa đủ sâu để bổ sung cho cái idea trước đó, ill-mannered chưa đủ kết luận là difficulty-> đào sâu thêm hoặc lấy ex khác)ObviouslyIn addition, following the social behaviours enables visitors to avoid unexpected judgements of from (judgement of something)people in the host country. AlsoFor instance, in some Muslime countries, individuals residents(->more accurately) are not allowed to drink alcohol publicly and that the reason why visitors who come from other countries (-> dài dòng, chỉ cần foreign visitors or foreigners là đủ) will fall foul of the law if they do not respect the social norms. Conclusively, there are many benefits for foreigners when they do adopt the local customs of the host country. (-> kết luận ko hợp lý vì body 1 chỉ nói đến disadvantages)

 

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The end:

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On the other hand, the host country itself (-> redundant) will definitely have/gain take many advantages by welcoming cultural differences. Particularly, it is one of the most effective ways to develope tourism industry (tourism là đc)and the national economy (-> redundant), as the result, (Subject của câu đâu?)will progress outstandingly (-> ko hợp lý, outstandingly là 1 adv quá mạnh). For instance, Dubai and Arabian countries with most flexible rules in favour of tourist earn millions of dollars from tourism industry -> nên dùng if, câu này lủng củng quá or in Turkey, thanks to revering (What do you mean by "revering"?)to tourists' cultures and receiving them warmly, the tourism has become its first industry and provides most of country’s budget -> (Cái ex quá dài dòng lủng củng)Furthermore-> (Furthermore để mở ra 1 ý mạnh nhấn mạnh ý trước) Also, the international reputation of a tourist friendly country will be high, (Ko có comma ở đây)if they welcome different cultures (-> idea này ko hợp lý, reputation ở đây nên thay bằng image)And obviously(-> ko bao giờ mở đầu câu = And) the host country itself will get have respect and love of visitors in all over the world.

Because of the distinction about local customs, national culture and personal lifestyle between places in the world,(-> ko phải câu hoàn chỉnh) visitors should follow the norms of social behaviour to avoid unexpected pitfalls and falling foul of the law (-> ko parallel); and (-> xem lại cách dùng dấu ;)the host country itself also should embrace blend into cultural differences because it is one of the most rapid way to promote economic development. (-> sai)

 

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