LẦN ĐẦU POST BÀI, CÁC BẠN CHỮA GIÚP NHÉ! THANKS NHIỀU LẮM! IELTS TASK 2: CRIME INCREASE - CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS
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It is obvious that the level of crime is rapidly increasing in numerous countries. Every day, we could see plenty of reports about violence, kidnap, rape, robbery, and etc. on the mass media, which creates a fear for people living in such societies. This severe problem is happening due to various reasons which require our immediate actions to prevent, or at least to mitigate it.

The negative influences of movies and games, which people can easily access on different means of media, is the major cause of rising delinquencies. People, especially the young, tend to imitate the violent behaviors of the characters, who are the so-called heroes, without well awareness of the right and the wrong. Living in extreme poverty and being unemployed is another popular cause of crime conviction. People who live under two US dollars per day do not have enough means of achieving what others normally have, would easily commit wrongdoings. The situation would even get worse when they or their family members lose their jobs. Carrying the financial burdens along with the negative feelings caused by unemployment would probably lead to illegal actions.

There are various effective measures that government, family and community could take to tackle ferocious criminals. Firstly, government should impose stricter laws on punishment in order that people can consider carefully before resorting to a crime. They should also levy laws on censoring what should be broadcast on media relating to films and games. Besides, creating more jobs and offering sufficient support to the poor and the unemployed would tremendously help to impede criminals.  The authorities play a vital role but the ultimate solution lies with parents who have responsibility for educating their children and building a loving and caring atmosphere in their home for their kids to shape their good manners. Last but not the least, community should cooperate in reporting and fighting against misdeeds. Initiatives of crime prevention programs in community, for example Neighborhood Watch Group would also greatly reduce the numbers of offenders.

In conclusion, the negative impacts of violence showed on mass, grinding poverty and unemployment can lead to the escalation of criminals. Only pro-active methods such as imposing laws and feasible policies of government, active involvement of family and community in deterring this problem can radically decline the level of crime.

(383 words). bài này được khoảng mấy điểm vậy các bạn? :-)
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Bài của bạn hơi dài (nên đọc hơi nản những 386 w lận), có một số lỗi về Ngữ pháp ( chưa chia động từ), ý support cũng chưa rõ ràng lắm. Đoạn 1 của thân bài không có câu topic sentence, cohesion của đoạn 1 thân bài cũng bị rời rạc. Đoạn hai thì ổn hơn về cohesion, đã có topic sentence.

ở phần kết luận , mình nghĩ k nên dùng cấu trúc only... vì nó kiểu mang tính claim quá, mình chỉ nên đưa ra lời khuyên như dùng shoul cũng ổn r

Khả năng viết của mình cũng không master lắm nên chỉ nhận xét theo những gì mình nghĩ

band điểm theo mình thì chắc tầm 6.5 gì đó
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