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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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The line graph reveals the information about how many dollars four cafes in New York had earned after 12 months in a year.

Overall, it is clear that there were two basic trends: upward and downward. Only the earnings of The Tea Room fell dramatically, while that of the others rose constantly over the period.

Specifically, in terms of The Tea Room, after going ups and downs wildly from $160 to $120 in the first 8 months, its income declined sharply to under $50 at the end of the year.

By contrast, the others’ income increased by varying degrees. For instance, the first 6 months saw an insignificant drop in the earnings of Internet Express from $100 to $80, followed by a gradual rise from $80 to over $120 in the other half of the year. Moreover, both Wifi Cafe and Cafe Cool ended the year up in December. Between January and July, the former’s income doubled from $50 to $100 and then fell considerably to $60 in the next two months, before rocketing to over $180 in December. Likewise, although Cafe Cool’s earnings experienced a wild fluctuation from $30 to nearly $60 in the first 10 months, it climbed rapidly to  $120 in the last months.

 

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First of all, you should devide your report into 3 paragraph, so overall sentence need add with first sentence. In addtion, using more adver to descibe the trend may help your band score.
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Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)
Thanks for your reply =))) sure I will consider it
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The line graph reveals the information about THE AVERAGE OF dollars four cafes had earned EACH YEAR IN NEW YORK.

Looking at the line graph, it can be seen clearly that the earnings of The Tea Room experienced a downward trend with the exception of the others upward over the period.

it is immediately obvious that The Tea Room went up from $160 to $120 in the first 8 months, its income declined sharply to just under $50 at the end of the year.

By contrast, the others’ income increased by varying degrees. For instance, the first 6 months saw a significant drop in the earnings of Internet Express from $100 to $80, followed by a gradual rise from $80 to over $120 in the other half of the year. Moreover, both Wifi Cafe and Cafe Cool ended the year up in December. Between January and July, the former’s income doubled from $50 to $100 and then fell considerably to $60 in the next two months, before rocketing to over $180 in December. Likewise, although Cafe Cool’s earnings experienced a wild fluctuation from $30 to nearly $60 in the first 10 months, it climbed rapidly to  $120 in the last months.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (14 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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