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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

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In recent year, the proportion of violence have been rising dramatically in films, which will give effect to viewers. This true is leading to dangerous problems in our society.

The impacting of violent imagines are bringing a bad result with our life. A large amount of publishing films have been added situation acts relative to violence. Killing, catching and fighting can be attractive people who are watcher but they will become more aggressive and illusion. Awesome actions together heroes are saved in emotions. On a day, they can repeated in life again and again. Especially, with the children or young persons are changing mentality and coming personality. When these people are easy to copy the violent pictures. In future, it is so serious for life that is a training crime environment.

On the other hand, how can we solve this problems? The government should give the standard for the rate of violence in movies and limited age with them. It means producers must be respond about reducing the actions relative to violence, it is great if they leave and replaced by humorous situations or education about society. The parent should spend much time to be interested in children and young people, which will help parent understand mind and direct them following advantage development. Anyway, the government is still the most important element.

In conclusion, I agree with the statement that violence in movies have developed significantly in a short time ago and bringing to negative face in society. However, these issues could be solved by law making people.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Problem-Solution bởi (0 điểm)
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Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

3 góp ý

+1 phiếu

Mình nghĩ bài viết có thể dao động từ 5.0 - 5.5.

Có một số lỗi sau:

Lỗi grammar và lỗi dùng từ, ví dụ: 

"In recent year years, the proportion rate of violence scenes in movies have has been rising dramatically."

"The impacting impact of violent imagines alarming violence levels are bringing a bad result with our life. cause indisputable impacts to our society.

Lỗi CC: Ý chưa lưu loát lắm vì các câu bạn dùng thiếu linking words. 

Góp ý là bạn nên trau dồi grammar thêm, và nếu có thể hãy đọc thêm những cuốn bài mẫu của Simon để xem cách thầy ấy triển ý như thế nào, rất mượt mà và gọn gàng hehe.

Cố lên nhé !!! 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (2 điểm)
+1 phiếu

In recent year, the proportion of violence have been rising dramatically in films, which will give effect to viewers. This true is leading to dangerous problems in our society.


The impacting of violent imagines are bringing a bad result with our life. A large amount of publishing films have been added situation acts relative to violence. Killing, catching and fighting can be attractive watchers.therefore,   they will become more aggressive and hallucinated. Awesome actions together heroes are saved in emotions. On a day, they have repeated  in life again and again. Especially, with the children or young persons are changing their mentality and estabishing their personality, these people will be easy to absorb the violent pictures. In the future,People's mental living will be affected seriously by a environment comprising a large of criminal images.

On the other hand, how can we solve this problems? The government should gives the standard for the rate of violence in movies and limited age with all of people. It means producers must be responsible about reducing the actions relating to violence, it is great if they  except and replace terrible image by humorous and educational acts. The parents should spend much more time on their children,there by,these fathers and mothers can educate their kids and direct them to a best future. Anyway, the government is still the most important element to vary this situation.

In conclusion, I agree with the statement that violence in movies have developed significantly   and brought many nagative effects to present sociaty  .Nonetheless,it could be changed improved by assistances of government and progress about cognition of each person.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (30 điểm)
0 phiếu
1.You wrote:
In recent year, the proportion of violence have been .....
Feedback: The article is missing before the noun: ''a recent year', 'the recent year''. 
2. You wrote: ... of publishing films have been added situation acts relative to violence. Killing, cat...
Feedback: You are either missing an article or a plural form. Did you mean ''a situation'' or ''situations''?  
3. You wrote: ...s are saved in emotions. On a day, they can repeated in life again and again.
Feedback: (2) Use the infinitive form (repeat) with a modal auxiliary (can). Did you mean ''can be repeat''?  
4. You wrote: ... Especially, with the children or young persons are changing mentality and coming ,,,,
Feedback: Unless you are using "persons" as a legal term meaning "individuals," you should use the irregular plural form ''people''.
5. You wrote: ...

On the other hand, how can we solve this problems? The government should give ...

Feedback: Use 'this' with singular nouns and 'these' with plural nouns. Did you mean ''these''?  

6. You wrote: ...mited age with them. It means producers must be respond about reducing the actions relative to ...

Feedback: You need a participle after 'must be.' Do you mean ''must be responded', ''must be responding'' or simply ''must respond''?  

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (35 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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